There are literally 45 minutes remaining in Christmas Day 2025 as I begin to write this post. Having just spent time on a variety of sites for the widowed on Social Media, many commenters were counting down the minutes and hours for the day to be over. Many more relayed how they’d dreaded the days leading up to Christmas, as they do many other holidays, when grief does not take one. I took this time to write at the end of a quiet day to capture in real time my holiday experience on the fifth one without my late husband, Rich.
Rich embraced every day like it was a holiday and reveled in those times that are actual holidays, like today. He was an excellent cook and with his personality and skills, could’ve had his own cooking show. On occasion, he would yell at people that tried to interfere with, or influence his culinary antics, while slamming pots and pans. I sometimes referred to him as Richie Ramsay in honor of Gordon Ramsay, notorious for his lack of tolerance for kitchen invaders or well-meaning, but incompetent helpers. If you were willing to sit and non-obtrusively observe, however, he loved an audience and was happy to share his tips and knowledge.
In the latter part of our marriage, my late sister Manette’s gracious and spacious home became Christmas Central and he had to share the holiday stage. She and her husband David so generously presented a beautiful holiday “venue”. Manette’s passing would precede Rich’s by three years, but he came to enjoy those big boisterous gatherings of twenty plus. Her home of four levels, complete with elevator, was so large that even at full capacity, you could easily lose sight of someone. It was special that we could all gather and spend the night together under one roof; our very own Holiday Inn.
Before she lived on such a large scale, my sister and her son, Zac, now also passed, lived in a charming two family home in a lovely neighborhood that was so small in living space that Rich dubbed it Tiny Town. But, we still managed to have a great time and of course the food was phenomenal. The scale or setting of the celebration didn’t matter as long as we were together.
Throughout the years Rich and I also hosted holiday gatherings at our log home at the Jersey Shore, celebrated them in my parents, in-law’s, cousin’s and brother’s homes, and even for a time, in a condo where both my sister and I resided simultaneously. We even got in one Thanksgiving gathering in our home in Georgia. Each of those holiday observances still hold very special memories of laughter, love and fun. I got to spend nearly every Christmas with my parents until their passing.
Loss is hard. Since the passing of my husband in 2021, I’ve lost my nephew and both of my parents in addition to the loss of two siblings in 2005 and 2018. I repeat this often as so many new members of Club Widowed arrive each day and this site and blog are new to them and I hope they find it helpful to know they are not alone in their grief.
This morning I received a call from my cousins and aunt who live in Northern California. My uncle and dad were very close and our families spent alot of time together as we grew up in New Jersey, New York, Massachusettes and California. It was so good to connect with family. Later, I spoke with my sole surviving brother in New York State and we reminisced about family holiday memories, some of not so long ago.
These past few days I’ve tried to take it easy and let myself just enjoy the company of my partner and our pack of four sweet and lively dogs, and be more present in the now, something that canines seem to have perfected. It’s been an eventful year.
I know that my Spirit Team Six as I call my departed family members, would love this beautiful area of Old Florida. The hardest part of their loss is wishing they could not just be here “in spirit”, but to actually be here physically to enjoy this time of year and life here with me. I often imagine them right here with me.
Well, it’s three minutes to midnight and it’s a wrap. Christmas 2025 is concluding. Thanks for letting me share my day with you in real time. As I often say, “Every day is a holiday, some holidays are better than others.” It’s a quote I read once, but I have no attribution.
Take a deep breath and congratulate yourselves for enduring the challenges of the season, with one more milestone to go before we call it a good year.
