Now, at 3.8 years, my grief is not just about Mike.  It’s not that I don’t miss him now, I do.  I miss him endlessly.  I say “I miss you Mike” many, many times each day.  But, now the uncertainty surrounding my future is what really gets to me.  My focus is on me and not simply surviving his death.  I have done this. I have survived Mike dying.  And, now, I am attempting to thrive in the life I am slowly and meticulously recreating from scratch without a recipe to follow.   Like all widowed people, I am rebuilding my life and discovering my new self-identity and this is a long and tedious process.   But, this process is necessary.  It is part of the evolution of grief.  Eventually, grief becomes ours –  for ourselves.  It’s not about my dead spouse anymore… it’s about me.  I am the one who is still living.  And, you are too.