4.10 years later, I am content, happy and joy filled AND I continue to miss Mike. This is something I will do for the rest of my life. I miss him. I simply do. He was a wonderful person and I miss sharing my life with him. But, more than missing him, I am filled with a deep gratitude for what was between us. Mike loved me well and he changed my life with his love. His love was strong and true and big. He was everything that I ever wanted love to be. Mike made me a Fan Girl of Love and I get to keep all this. This stuff didn’t die with him. All of this is etched into my Soul. His love is in my bones, it is imprinted on my skin. I am strong on his love.
Widowed Emotions
Past to the Present – A Look Back in Widowed Time
Clayton has been gone for over three years now. A lot has changed. On a day to day, I don’t realize just how far I have traveled. This week has had a lot of old memories stir but not for the worse, for the better. The week brought about events and memories that could have […]
Love Always Wins
The Power of Memory Do you ever wonder how certain memories come back to teach us about ourselves? The lesson for me in this week’s post is that dying is damn hard. Sometimes, in the midst of it, we don’t feel the full impact. Then your dog dies and it all comes rushing in. Death […]
ABBA Revival
4 September 2021 Image by Andrew Ebrahim on Unsplash When I landed back at Geneva airport this week, after a few days of business travel in Sweden (my first business travel in over 18 months), I headed over to the luggage collection belts. While waiting for my luggage to come through, I skimmed the BBC […]
Septembers are for Guilt
**This post contains discussion of suicide** September is Suicide Awareness and Prevention Month, which means a lot of emails, social media posts, etc. about suicide. Don’t get me wrong, I think awareness about suicide, including warning signs and how to help someone with suicidal ideation, is so important. We definitely need more people aware of […]
The Great Shattering and the Holder of the Missing Piece
That moment is unlike any other. Whether you are expecting the grief or it surprises you, there is no way to describe the very second you learn you have a new future. Tunnel vision sets in, you can’t catch your breath. All you hear is the loudest sound you’ve ever heard and it is coming […]
The Anatomy of a Love Song
Love Begets Love A lifetime of love, like seeds in soil, sprouts and multiplies in the right conditions. When seeds of love sprout—love blooms. Love begets love. This explains how this precious song arrives here today. The home for this song is a website our family created for Dan named CowboyDan.org. A brain-child of our […]
This Life. THIS One
Photo of Lac de Lamoura, French Jura I have been doing some reading, learning and re-working on Narrative – aka the story/ stories I/we tell – whether to ourselves or to others. Narratives are potentially powerful vehicles for life, living, how we show up in the world, choices we make. When we become conscious of […]
The Duality of Widowhood Replay
Kelley wasn’t able to post today, so we thought we’d share this post that she wrote back in 2017. Enjoy! The definition of the word “duality” is as follows: 1. the quality or condition of being dual 2. an instance of opposition or contrast between two concepts or two aspects of something; a dualism. “the […]
Facing Future Fears: An Open Letter to Myself
Dear Bryan, I think it’s time for us to talk a bit about the fears found since Clayton passed. These thoughts and widowed worries have actually compounded and worsened seasons of our grief. They have been cyclical and fed into one another. Try as I might to break these cycles sooner, I couldn’t and I’m […]
I need him to be here.
The photo on this post is of Boris and my dad, Steve. It was taken less than a month before Boris died. My dad looks so different now. He is probably 50 pounds lighter now. At that time, my dad didn’t need a walker as he does now. He could be left alone for at […]
131 Days
To My Dearest Dan, It has been one hundred thirty-one days since you died and it feels so much longer. It feels as if you are watching me from afar and also, somehow, participating daily in my life with your energy. When I call on you I especially feel you near, although you show up […]