Sometimes I feel like I have nothing new to say or write about my grief or even about Boris. Like all of my grief thoughts have already been written. My sadness. My loneliness. My missing him. My regrets. My flashbacks of the trauma of his death. And then sometimes I feel like I have so […]
Widowed Emotions
Stress Manifested
Last Monday, I was feeling a small sense of calm after weeks of high stress. I’d been stressed with the daily tasks of parenting and adulting my household alone. While grieving heavily as the longevity of this loss came into focus. Monday afternoon I sat down in the chair at my hairstylist because shocking, these […]
Hope as a Helpful Diversion
After I’d edited and saved last week’s post, The Fine Art of Inoculation, my home experienced a powerful surge followed by a brief power outage. I later found out, however, that some of my neighbors had experienced a longer period of time without power. Because of the precise timing of its occurrence, I suspect that […]
Finding My Way in Year Two
Which Direction? Which Decision? Being lost is not new to me. My inner navigation plan is usually this: If you think you should turn right, it is highly likely you should turn left. Truth. I admire those who have a born sense of direction—like my husband. The kids often tell tales of being on a […]
Witnessing Deep, Rich Love, Sorrow and Pain in Others
Image by Whoislimos on Unsplash I spent some deeply touching moments, minutes, hours yesterday evening, during my shift at the hospice. We have a beautiful new resident. She is a true beauty. Glorious skin and hair. Luminous eyes. Not so many people who are nearing their final days are graced with such luxuriant beauty. She […]
Peaceful Moments
I can’t really tell you why but after a tough few weeks, I’m feeling a little better. I don’t feel like a dam of emotions is ready to burst at any moment. The tears aren’t hiding just below the surface ready to erupt. Sometimes it’s easy to tell why we are riding a new wave […]
Remembering the fun.
Sometimes I get so caught up in the sadness, shock, and trauma of Boris’s death that I forget how much fun we had. The memories that flood my brain are often of fights or things I should have said or should have done differently. Regret and “what ifs” are common. And, I think because of […]
Caring for Ourselves . . .
. . . an aid for all in trauma or grief The bad news is that trauma is a fact of life. The good news is it does not have to be a life sentence. […]
The Comfort – and Wisdom – of Denial
Main image by Quliyeva Efsane on Unsplash I have been reflecting on Denial. I realise that I have come to value, appreciate, love and respect Denial. Not as a blanket approach to life, but as a bit of a cosy corner to hide away in from time to time. Or even longer periods of […]
Missing Him Until My End
We grieve because we love and lost our person. Until I was grieving, I didn’t really understand the depths of my love and how much space is carved in my heart for Tony. This week I’ve been grappling with the realization that I will miss him for the rest of my life. It’s something I’ve […]
Some days I still can’t believe it.
Sometimes it still takes my breath away. The realization that he is gone. That he is never coming back. That one minute he was here, and the next he was not here. It still stops me in my tracks sometimes. Days can come and go, and he is always on my mind, but most days […]
Who would’ve thunk it?
A lesson on asking for help. A common conversation among widowed folks is talking about what we miss after our person dies. What comes up first are the special things, the hugs, kisses, dancing, teasing, going to movies, traveling, watching TV together, playing cribbage or other games—the fun stuff we did together. Just being with […]