Widow's Voice

Widowed Effect on Family/Friends

Yard Work in Progress

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This blog features my tantrum against his death, and that’s okay because life isn’t always wonderful.  Sometimes it’s cruddy and messy.  Sometimes life is a work in progress.  And, sometimes, big lessons are learned while you roll up your sleeves and get dirty doing something very ordinary like yard work.  This is what happened today.

Grief and yard work are both labour intensive and each thing demands your attention at various times.  On Sunday, I gave both the yard and my grief the time they demanded and I’m better for it.

Anxiety

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Anxiety always seemed to provide a convenient excuse to not get involved or do something. It was never a problem when we had fun things to do… But something serious? That was another story. One or all of them was always getting anxious when something serious was taking place…

In all my life (I’m inching closer to 52 years old now), I had never experienced anxiety. In fact, I never really felt like I had any mental health issues. That was until 2019.

The Courage Required to Look Grief in the Face

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Photo by our very own Sarah Treanor (streanor.com) I have just come back from a fascinating two-day workshop on Transformative Facilitation. It’s about enabling, engendering, indeed even provoking moments of deep insight and reflection that can lead to fundamental change in how a person sees themselves and the world around them, leading to different, more […]

Gravely Grateful

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“I wished he was dead!” she said. “I honestly wished he was dead!” she said again with deep conviction. The words felt like bullets. I gasped, put my hand on my heart and put my head down. A couple was speaking on stage at an event, sharing their journey through his substance abuse and how […]

In the Space of Another’s Pain

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To be inside the space of another’s pain is one of the most sacred and private spaces to share with another, and for them to allow you into. For that reason, I think it does us all well – whether we have lost someone or not – to remember this sacredness, and to recognize those moments when they come. Do not squelch it with platitudes. Be silent, be committed, be fully present, and let them and their emotions lead.

I’m Not Ashamed

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I had prepared a different post to publish today (not this one), but I changed my mind. Instead, I felt compelled to write about how it feels to arrive at the 18-month mark since Suzanne died. On my personal Facebook page, the memory of what I wrote 1-year ago came up and I posted it—it […]

Validation Matters: Five not Three

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I have had a tough week. First, hearing difficult health news regarding someone I care about deeply. Then being the recipient of highly confrontational/aggressive behaviour from family friends that I cannot even begin to comprehend at this stage. Ending with the words, “do not contact us again”. I need an outlet for this extra bleuch. […]

Pizza Toppings

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At home I have a big bathroom. Built and decorated by Mike. So big that it has two basins, each with a mirror above it. “His ‘n’ Hers”. Two basins are not common in European bathrooms. Houses don’t usually have the space.  In between the basins and the mirrors, stuck to the wall with blu-tack, is a yellowing, curly-edged, typed piece of…

The Ghosts of Christmas Past , Present and Future

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Thanksgiving was a beast in itself but Christmas can be the kraken in unicorn’s clothing. I love parts of Christmas like the lights, smell of Christmas trees and giving others gifts. It’s the other parts – families gathering, couples under the mistletoe, Hallmark everything that always ends up like a fairytale…Tin was 1000% in with Christmas.