I listened to a Dr. Wayne Dyer YouTube video (part of it) where he quotes Carlos Casteneda saying something along the lines of no longer needing / giving up your personal history. And, if you no longer have a personal history, you no longer have to live up to it. Hearing that freaked me out, […]
LGBTQ+ Widowed
Grief Does Not Take A Vacation During Vacation
It never fails to bum me out that I cannot / am no longer obligated to call my Mom when I am leaving for a trip, arrive at the first and subsequent destinations, and call her at least every couple days. She did not use a cell phone, so it always had to be a […]
When Longtime Traditions Change
Yesterday, I facilitated a parol making workshop for a large group of Filipinos, some I have known since I was a child. Parols are a traditional, Philippine lantern displayed during the holiday season, and made of capiz shells. OUR homemade carols, however, are made of bamboo sticks and cellophane paper. Years ago, I would bring […]
Reminders of Intertwined Lives
Fire season in California means updating the emergency backpack in the car. Among the various obvious items I have in it, I also have items for my “elderly” parents – particularly for my Mom’s health needs. We live 8 blocks away from each other, and the times we have had to evacuate, we evacuate together. […]
Ready to Let Go of Tangible Reflections of their Love
Lynn was big on having (over the counter) meds on hand – allergy, flu, tummy ache, headache, etc. She had them organized in plastic bags that she carefully labeled with what they were for. I have struggled all these years with clutter cleaning, getting-rid-of, holding onto things until I am ready to let them go, […]
I No Longer Need My / Our Burial Plot
My close friend, J’s, husband passed away a few years ago. Lynn and I were very close to them, and when we would go out, we all joked that people would think the “couples” in our group were actually J and I, and Lynn and my friend’s husband. We just naturally would pair off when […]
The Gifts in the First Year of Widowhood that Shape the Grief Journey
I was contacted by a long time friend this week asking for resources for a widow client he was working with. I am sure many of us widows are asked similar questions, or asked if we would be willing to talk with someone who is recently widowed and may need to connect with another widow. […]
New Firsts with A New Love
I remember clearly the first time I met Lynn’s parents and family… the anxiety, apprehension, excitements, all the things. Also, it was the first time we traveled on a plane together (from California to Atlanta). Every part of the trip was a new, nervous experience for me, to the extent that I privately asked a […]
“Love Letter From the Afterlife” – Andrea Gibson
This one’s going to be short this week, but it will pack a punch. Shout out to one of my clients, as it was through them that I first learned about Andrea Gibson and saw this YouTube video. Andrea was a poet and performance artist who explored gender identity, death and more through their verse. […]
Early Firsts
I recently wrote about the many “firsts” I have experienced in life that happened with Lynn. It made me think about the “firsts” after Lynn, and the mixed feelings that often accompany these “first” experiences. There are the firsts that are more about grieving the lack / loss of Lynn’s presence. I remember the first […]
The SIgnificance of Widow Friends
I had brunch in the Castro in San Francisco today with two close widow friends, one of their partners, and my (alive) partner. I met my two widow friends thru Soaring Spirits’ LGBTQI+ Regional Group, and we are in our own tight knit group of 15 widows and 3 (now 4) alive partners of 4 […]
The Power of Holding Her Hand
June was Pride Month AND Filipino Heritage Month, and is always my busiest month as a result. I am greatly involved in organizing many of the activities, as well as participating in those I have no responsibility with (often my favorite times). I couldn’t help but remember the many memories Lynn and I made over […]