After one of Lynn’s Celebrations of Life, her father, Gus, pulled me aside to talk alone. He told me that he knew how much Lynn and I loved each other, and that he wanted me to find a new love one day. He emphasized that they (Lynn’s family) would welcome my new partner with open […]
LGBTQ+ Widowed
Take the Trip
I am currently on vacation in Hawaii, looking at the palm trees swaying, and it is reminding me of the vacation Lynn and I took with my parents, back to the Philippines in 2009. We have a ton of relatives back in the Philippines, and while I had not been there since the early 2000’s, […]
Non “Magical Thinking”
For years after Lynn passed, I never shied away from “hard feelings” ie: sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, etc. If a feeling came along, I gave it a place to stay as long as it needed to. I had no filter with people either. If people asked “how was I doing,” I matter of factly told […]
The Memory and Comfort of “Mangia”
One of Lynn and my favorite restaurants recently closed. It was a neighborhood Italian restaurant, and when Lynn passed, the owned gave me a bottle of wine as a condolence gift. Lynn judged Italian restaurant based on how good their eggplant parmesan was, and this restaurant passed her test on our first visit. We went […]
Moving Their Stuff Along
My widow group chat has been abuzz this past weekend. The main topic has been about “getting rid of stuff.” There are about 15 of us in the group, and on some days, if you go into a work meeting for a couple hours, you might find 50+ notifications of new messages, depending on how […]
Sundays are the Most Nostalgic
Sunday afternoons are sometimes still the most nostalgic and bittersweet times. I frequently have packed weekends, often a little too “peopley.” And it is a relief to get to Sunday evening, to pause, rest, and get into that somewhat resistant mindset of, “the weekend is over and Monday is looming.” My bones still remember with […]
A Car as a Time Capsule
Lynn and I met a year before we were officially a couple. For a year, we steadily became closer friends. (Honestly, I was secretly dating her for that year, but she didn’t know it…) Lynn bought a brand new, Silver, 2005 Toyota Scion xA that year. Her Golden Retriever had passed away shortly before she […]
My Evolving Relationship with Old Routines
I started running again the past week. My usual route, 3 miles around the lake a few minutes from my house, and the neighborhood I grew up in. This has been my usual nightly running route on and off for the past 15+ years, though it’s a trail I have been traversing since I was […]
My Late Partner’s Posthumous Birthdays
Lynn’s birthday was this past week – the 11th birthday since she passed. Wow – I actually had to count it out on my hand a few times just now before I could believe it. (She passed in December 2014… so that makes it 11 years. Is that really right?!) It’s hard to grasp how […]
The Honor and “Responsibility” of Continuing Her Legacy
The other day, I ran into a good friend that I have known for a couple decades at the coffeehouse. She (Nancy) introduced me to the friend she was with (Susan), and the first thing Susan said to me was, “I knew your Lynn!” She said it with such cheer, friendliness, and “normality,” and we […]
8 Ways My Perimenopause Journey Reminds Me of My Grief Journey
Experiencing the Sacred Journey of Perimenopause is reminding me of when I began the Sacred Journey of Grief… 1) The FATIGUE… I’m a runner, used to do several half marathons a year. Since I began the Perimenopause, I suddenly get sooo tired – mentally and emotionally, as well as physically. In the middle of a […]
Becoming a Better Partner… to My Home
Yesterday was the 13th anniversary of Lynn and I buying our super sweet, super small, 1950’s “Wonder Years” home. It is in the same neighborhood I grew up in, and a few blocks from my parent’s home, and my elementary and high schools. We bought our home […]