The other day, I ran into a good friend that I have known for a couple decades at the coffeehouse. She (Nancy) introduced me to the friend she was with (Susan), and the first thing Susan said to me was, “I knew your Lynn!” She said it with such cheer, friendliness, and “normality,” and we immediately launched into a long convo about how they knew each other (work), and she, Nancy, and I went thru the history of all our various work crossover interactions over the decades.
I work with a couple of Lynn’s mentees. A few weeks ago, I was in a large, group training one of them was leading, and I started thinking, “Lynn would be so proud.” I chatted with her later and told her she did a great job, and that Lynn would have been proud. I asked her what, if any, of Lynn’s role modeling she incorporates into her work style now. We had a great chat, and she told me a slightly scandalous story of Lynn being secretly obstinate during a staff meeting, lol. Lynn’s other mentee joined the conversation, and told her own stories about the impact Lynn had on her.
Ever since she passed 10 years ago, every couple months or so, I still meet someone for the first time who tell me they knew her thru her work. I regularly run into a mutual friend or acquaintance, who will reminisce about Lynn. Lynn worked at the CDC with HIV / AIDS clients during the 1980’s, and her experience there lead to her lifelong passion to advocate for and create policies that promoted HIV awareness and prevention, as well as to treat clients with respect and de-stigmatize the disease. She is STILL well known in our County for her work which continues to lead to positive changes in the healthcare world.
As her partner, we definitely had “conversations” (ahem, arguments) about WORK – LIFE balance, or her lack of it. After her passing, I made her Celebration of Life video. Alongside her private life and her personal passions, I included so much of her work accomplishments – decades worth. I perused old work photos, documents, and papers she wrote about “GRID” (Gay Related Immune Deficiency), and I wished I had listened more and asked more questions about her early work. She witnessed and was part of so much change, especially at a time when one could be persecuted just for befriending or advocating for those living with HIV / AIDS. I knew instinctively that authentically sharing her life in a video included highlighting and celebrating her life’s work. Working on her video for a month after her passing unexpectedly allowed me to make peace with my past frustrations with Lynn working too much, being too stressed, etc. I realized that Lynn’s work was her calling in life, and I believe Lynn’s higher self knew she would not be here very long, which caused her to strive to get so much done in her short time here. One thing that helps my grief is feeling that Lynn LIVED so much of her life.
Lynn and I were a constant duo, and had built a life of community service. I felt like we were more than the sum of our parts, or however that saying goes. Our life included frequently attending community events / gatherings that we were either working, or supporting those in our field, and where we would inevitably run into mutual acquaintances and friends. After she passed, it was too hard to go to these events without her. When I was ready to start going again, I felt wrapped in love by the folks there. I also recognized that people would talk and connect with me in order to feel Lynn’s energy that is always with me. It made me want to continue her legacy and “our work” somehow. Despite our shared passion for community work, we have very different styles, so I knew I would do it in my own way. I also worried that, in addition to losing Lynn, I would lose being on the periphery of her “world;” that I would no longer see her partners-in-crime, etc. Thank goodness, I was asked to take her place on the Board of Directors of a local HIV services non-profit, and I got to be around people who shared her spirit, and who, from observing their work style, had very obviously worked alongside her for years. I left that non-profit a few years ago, and in the past 10 years, I have taken amazing paths that were initially inspired by a desire to continue the Grace-Lynn work. Along the way and without conscious effort, my path has come to reflect who I am and have become.
BUT, I never want people to forget Lynn’s influence and role in the long journey of positive change. As I continue to connect with folks who worked in the trenches with her, and who bring their experience with her into their work, I realize, I do not need to worry about people forgetting Lynn, or Lynn’s impact diminishing. I also realize, we are all part of various paths and touch and impact people along the way. WE are also impacted by other constantly as well. It is interesting getting to observe the changes that she helped start years prior. I remember many years ago, when Lynn would lament that no agency or law enforcement department would even engage in conversation with her about Naloxone. Fast forward to the present, we now have “Narcan” readily available snd accessible by nearly everyone, and it is commonly known.
As our “person’s person,” I believe we are their biggest cheerleader. AND, it is a relief to me when others cheerlead Lynn. I hear it every time I run into someone who knew her. The year after she passed, I received several commendations awarded to her posthumously. One acknowledgement was Lynn being “Sainted” by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, a charity group. It was incredibly touching, and an honor to receive these awards for her. A year ago, I was also “Sainted” by the Sisters. Of course, they knew Lynn, and we joked about how I was now getting to receive the medal for myself. It felt like a full circle moment… I have never felt like Lynn’s sidekick. But, receiving my own Sainthood DID feel like I had allowed myself to walk a path of community service that was now more ME than Grace-Lynn. I am glad that it happened organically and in it’s own timeline. Lynn’s important work continues on, and while I enjoy being part of it as it aligns with my work, I no longer feel an urgency or “need” to ensure her legacy is remembered. Her “people” carry her legacy – as well as the legacies of so many other pioneers, in their work and in their own journeys.
