My widow group chat has been abuzz this past weekend. The main topic has been about “getting rid of stuff.” There are about 15 of us in the group, and on some days, if you go into a work meeting for a couple hours, you might find 50+ notifications of new messages, depending on how chatty we are about some particular topic, or if we are just extra spicy about someone’s situation. We are all gay, and all met through Camp Widow or Soaring Spirits somehow, and have been a solid friend group for years now. We have another group chat that includes several current partners of widows. So, this past weekend, because one of us was going through their garage in anticipation of a move and sending us pictures of various “finds” as they went through boxes, we were all chiming in with support and shares of our own experiences, challenges, and hopes for our own strategies of saying goodbye to items. This is still an activity I struggle with, though I bear witness to my own natural progression in moving sentimental items on to their own next chapter in life. It has been almost 2 years since my Mom passed, and keeping her stuff feels different than keeping Lynn’s stuff. For all intents and purposes, my Mom’s history is my history, my Mom has been part of my story from birth, my whole life. I have items that are Lynn and My Items and memories, and they reflect MY life. I am realizing I have a different relationship with her things that she loved before I came into her life. I loved having them around all this time, and I like knowing her history with the furniture, tablecloths, cooking implements, etc. But now, I feel ready to move those items along, whether they be to family, friends, or elsewhere. I have viewed some of them with reverence and stored them carefully, and I wonder if I can look at them for their function, and see if I would actually repurpose or use them. I’ve read various books and listened to podcasts about this experience with mixed opinions on the material. Out current group recommend is “Goodbye, Things” by Fumio Sasaki – specifically the third chapter, which is what I am currently listening to. I am enjoying it! It has been 10 years since Lynn passed, and I would not have been able to listen to this book at that time. The “practical” viewpoint on getting ride of items would have been too crushing to consider. But now, I can listen to it and get almost excited about “the next chapter.” Whether this happens slowly or quickly, it is a relief to get to yet another new, evolved point on this path.
