Mike’s hilarious post this past week really reminded me just how important humor is in dealing with this life. Or really any struggles in life. Sometimes I’m guilty of losing my funny, sarcastic, smart ass self. I’m definitely guilty of not showing that side of myself to very many people. But I can still recall some recent awesome moments of dark…
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Determination vs. Distraction
In all honesty, this week has been pretty good. I mean I have had my sad moments and the little things that remind me of Tin have shown up here and there. What I’m noticing though is that my reactions are changing. What used to immediately bring up tears and sorrow now brings up tears and a little smile sometimes a chuckle. I’ve noticed this…
Happy 66th Wedding Anniversary, Betty!
Those were the words that echoed throughout the pool at the YMCA this morning, as we were just finishing up our high-impact water aerobics class. There were about 15 of us in the class, of varying ages and circumstances, and one of the older ladies walked up and whispered something into the instructor’s ear. After she did, the instructor reached…
Getting Older Doesn’t Suck
I originally wrote this post last year and have revised it a bit to reflect my current feelings. Happy Birthday to me! Enjoy! I hear it all the time…”another year older, urgh,” “I hate getting older,” “I hate my birthday and the reminder I’m getting old,” “getting older sucks.” I use to be one of these people. I cried on my 10th…
Grief and Widow Questionnaire
My mind takes me into weird places, since being widowed, and today I imagined filling out a questionnaire, titled What has grief taught you? It would emphasize the importance of filling this out with no filter, thank you very much. How long have you been widowed? How I’d pose the question: how long since your entire world exploded and evaporated?…
Widow’s Roast
How about something a little light hearted? Instead of writing morosely and trying to explain metaphors, I’ll look around the room and just take stock of where I am, nearing 4 years since Megan’s death? I don’t feel like “finding meaning” today. Not every day has to have “meaning” when it comes to widowerhood. Sometimes, funny…
Wanderlust
I need to see new things. And, also, see the same things – somewhere else. I need to stand on different street corners. And, walk roads that lead to new people and places. I need to breathe the air – somewhere else. Anywhere else. I feel like I am holding my breath, Living here in the outskirts of my old life. ~Staci I feel restless lately. …
I Wanted to Call You
It has been now 6 years since my fiance died. Very seldom these days do I have those moments when all I want to do is pick up the phone to call him and tell him about something that happened. Part of that is due to time, and probably part due to being able to share many of our favorite things with my new partner Mike. Having lost my mom when I was…
The Only and the Already
There are minutes, hours, days that seem to fly by while seconds seem to drag on forever. It has only and already been 4 months since Tin has passed – only and already. For those that don’t lose their “person”, it is hard to explain that time’s guidelines begin to bend in ways we never knew. Good days go fast. Bad days go slow. Yet the next…
How Is This My Life?
Today I went to the post office to send off multiple copies of the book that I wrote about my husband’s sudden death, our love story, and my life in the aftermath. Then I went to the YMCA and took another pool / water aerobics class, followed by physical therapy for my neck and shoulders because I developed arthritis and bone spurs in my neck due…
What Remains, In This After of You
A trifold flag, presented to me at your memorial service. Where are you, my beloved? ID tags that hang over my bed or around my neck. Where are you, my beloved? 3 children you raised with me, though they weren’t of your blood. Where are you, my beloved? A grandson who would tower over you in height, and who reminds me of you each time I see a…
Taking the Lead
There were so many reasons for Megan to be proud of Shelby. From her sheer intelligence, to her love for reading, to even her quirky weirdness. She appreciated that Shelby had a love for nature, at least tiny animals and flowers. We would take Shelby camping at least once a year, but due to Megan’s condition, that was the limit. We took one…