Tomorrow marks 6 months since Tin has passed. How am I already here? How does time move so slowly and so quickly at the same time? Honestly it is Life’s biggest blessing and curse. As I look back at these 6 months, I see a new road behind me that I have paved on my own. Of course there have been others to help me through the thick brush but I had…
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PROOF
Is Don proud of me? People always tell me that Don would be proud of me. Its a nice thought. I hope its true. I really, truly hope that its true. But how can I know? I want proof. I want evidence that he is proud. Concrete evidence. Or when I say, That I wish he knew about such and such, that just happened in my life, and someone always…
The End of Motorcycle Season!
If you’ve read my post from my personal blog from last year around this time you would know that I don’t like Fall. It’s my least favourite season. There is however a very redeeming quality for me at this time of year: the end of motorcycle season in Canada! I don’t know if I’ve ever fully mentioned it (it’s not what I want to focus on)…
September and Remembering
My body felt September 11 approaching, even before my mind became aware of it. This morning, September 11, I woke up and could feel the nerves edging along my skin. The feeling only intensified as I watched snippets of remembrances on TV. Why, you might ask, would I put myself through watching something more when my heart was already hurting? To…
Patriot’s Day
Seventeen years ago, today, I was driving back from the base medical office to my shop after receiving some vaccines. It was a beautiful morning in North Carolina. Slightly on the muggy side, but the sun was shining and the temperature was perfect. As was common at the time, I tuned to Howard Stern on the radio, and after a few minutes, he…
Helpers
Dear Helpers, One of the most powerful things anyone can say to me is “Yes, this is __________”. *Insert: awful, terrible, horrible, sad, unfair, gutting… Any word that acknowledges that Mike’s death sucks will complete this simple sentence. The fact is Mike being dead is hard for me. And, yes, it still continues to be…
Into the Fall
Yesterday was the first day of the year to bring in an autumn cold snap here in Northeast Ohio, along with the remnants of the tropical storm that came through Florida last week. Since I woke yesterday, it’s been a slow, steady dripping rain… the kind where you can still open all the windows and feel the brisk air and hear the gentle drops on…
The Phoenix and the Dragon
It comes in waves, those flames: the flames of fear and the flames of future, the flames of anguish and the flames of anger. You do your best to fight the fire but it is erupting from within you. As if you haven’t fought enough, you are constantly fighting with your inner beast but you never know whom. Is it your inner phoenix or is it your inner…
Coffee With the Wind
Our cats are still here. They still sit in your recliner chair, and fight, and sleep, and Autumn still attacks Sammy for no reason. Im still watching the US Open. By myself. Roger Federer lost in a huge upset the other day, and Nadal won in an epic match that didnt end until 230 in the morning. I actually reached over to my phone to text or…
Be Present
Recently someone reached out to me asking me how I do this life and how they find it so difficult to not be where they want to be or thought they’d be. Turning 30 this past week has made me think about some of the same things so I thought I’d share my thought process. Is this where I thought I’d be and what I thought I’d be doing at 30? No.
If
If all things that are impossible Became impossibly real, And the unimaginable Became impossibly imaginable, And what is impossibly, unimaginably, inconceivable, Became entirely plausible. In a world where my fiercest and most impassioned pleas, Ringing forth from the depths of my shattered heart… Could be heard pulsating through the days and…
Blind Faith
Continuing to love him in separation doesn’t just seem obvious, It FEELS like the natural thing to do. Our Love didn’t die. Our Love didn’t wane when his body died. Continuing our bond is as necessary as breath for me. I continue to love Mike in separation, because it’s the only way I know how to live. But, lately I admit that…