This whole widow thing is getting old. I just want to be like the other women my age who are casually going about their “normal” lives. I want to be like the women who are busy raising their kids, getting scheduled manicures in between loads of laundry and maintaining a successful career. I want to be like the women who are planning romantic…
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Their Stories are Still Being Written
There are surreal little things lately about my life lately. About getting together for coffee with girlfriends recently, who are eager to see the new engagement ring and hear all about Mike’s proposal. Surreal because part of me still thinks something will go wrong before we ever get to a wedding. Part of me is wary of that… how could I not…
Losing the holiday weight
Losing the Holiday Weight The holidays were rough. My first without Tin and there were days I just could barely keep it together. Christmas is over and I spent New Year’s alone for the first time in years with no one to plan a new year of adventures with. It’s been a struggle and I have 3 more months before I hit the anniversary of his…
Inside the Rhythms of the Music
In the beginning, there was music. Back in 1998, in the days when AOL was a thing, I went into a music chat / trivia room about 1980s song lyrics, and met Don Shepherd. We talked about Lionel Richie songs, great singers, guitar players, and more. Then we just kept on talking. Seven years and lots of plane trips from Florida to NY and back…
My Annual Milestone
We lost my wife about a month after my daughter’s second birthday and I was so distraught in the early days that I was having panic attacks. The thought of being a single father was incredibly terrifying, how am I going to raise a little girl on my own?! Luckily, psychotherapy and a detailed wellness plan have helped me leave those feelings…
Wandering~
I wander quite frequently. It’s mostly what I’ve done, and what I do, in this widowland. For 5 years and counting now. Physically and mentally…I wander. Physically, in that I’ve spent these years since the death of my beloved husband wandering the country in my pink car, towing my equally pink T@b Teardrop trailer behind me. Mentally, in that my…
Risk Assessment
It has been almost a month since I last posted on here. Sometimes, life can get in the way of all of our commitments to others. Between the holidays, the busiest time of year at my work, travel, and budgets, sharing my weekly thoughts and anecdotes about life after becoming widowed took a significant back-burner. But the primary reason I…
Average Widow
In the early months, I remember reading the blogs of people who were years into widowhood and I was dumbstruck. I had no idea how they did it. I was completely in awe about how they were going about rebuilding their lives. And, I hoped that I could be like them. I hoped I would survive outliving Mike; but, I was not sure how they were doing…
First Weeks of Being an Engaged Widow
We’re a week into the new year, and I haven’t had a lot of time to sit down and reflect. Holiday travel definitely takes a lot out of you and we’re only just beginning to get settled back in at home. The thing that I am reflecting on right now as I write to you is mostly, my gratitude, and the big event I wrote about last week – Mike…
All the Things We Didnt Do
This past week, some married friends went away on a family vacation, and asked me and Nick if we could stay at their house for 5 days while they were gone, dog-sitting and house-sitting. We were both happy to do it. Not only did it help our friends out, but it also gave us an opportunity to spend some quality alone time together. Without getting…
Growth, Change, and New Opportunities
A lot of people use the start of a new year as a time for reflection and resolutions. However, since being widowed I feel like what people do on new year’s day is what I do constantly; I am always reflecting, reevaluating and adjusting to make changes. I haven’t felt like I can go through my life like I once did – just doing things because…
If I could Back Up
On New Year’s Eve everyone is looking forward. But, for those of us who have lost our beloved, we want to back up. It is a hard spot to be in. We know that we must move forward with the rest of the world, yet our hearts are in the past. This is my third NYE without Mike and it has been the gentlelest so far. I miss him to the depths of…