I wrote the original blog in August of 2020 and a lot has changed in my life since then, but this blog is still so very relevant. I have added my current thoughts into the original piece to highlight how grief is not static. The process of grief is long. Much longer than I thought […]
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Loving him was red.
So, this is going to sound weird. But, sometimes I feel jealous of widows who have seemingly perfect love stories with their late partners. Especially, widows who were married, had a beautiful house together, and so many big life moments together. I have no engagement photos or stories, no wedding videos, no “bought our first […]
Old Shoes
I met Donna and Craig in the 1970s. We have been very close friends for nearly a half century. Fresh from law school, my first job as a clerk for a state appellate court judge required me to relocate to the medium sized city where the judge resided. I was married at this time, but […]
Resting in the Nest of my Grief
Not much to report from Widow Neff this week. Last week’s post published on Wednesday followed by a positive PCR test arriving to me the day after. By then, I mostly felt better, but the official “symptoms” continue into today, yet another Wednesday, and just five days after the confirmed Covid test. PATIENCE is required […]
“Go Get Yourself A Bigger Problem”
Photos by my friend Jane del Pozo Back in the early 1990s, I worked for a couple of years post-Masters, in a small consulting firm of organisational psychologists in Cambridge. One of my colleagues – let’s call her Terri – was a bullish, no-nonsense Aussie, who has stayed in my mind all these decades, despite […]
Guitar, Ukulele, Guitar
So those of you who follow me here or have read my book or have kept up with my grief and life “tsunami”, as I call it, know that my dead husband Don loved music. (you probably also know that I use terms like “grief tsunami” and “dead husband” because I hate the terms “grief […]
Filtering Out the Fiction
Moving from the apartment where I became widowed has had a lot of competing emotions. Taking down the photos that Clayton hung up and seeing just my dog Roan standing in our empty apartment hit me hard. Real life becomes more real in some pretty harsh, unexpected waves and ways. Worn out carpet where Clayton […]
The More Things Change…
My first email of 2022 contained the subject line, “Greetings from Lee.” In her email, Lee apologized for not previously sending along certain linked photographs. Of course, I highly doubted this message was sent to me by Lee, since it’s now going on two years that she died. Additionally, looking at the URL coupled with […]
We All Know
the Mild Misery of the Common Cold Dare I go on? Or shall I put a sign up that says Closed by a Cold with images of innumerable tissues used throughout the night and thrown onto my bed, doubling for a giant trash can? “Wait!” you say. “Fever and sore throat….those are Omicron symptoms, yes?” […]
One of the Best Things
Photos my own these past days So Christmas and New Year have been okay. Better than okay. Moments that were really hard, of course; but more moments that have been really enjoyable. Ben and Megan came back from the Netherlands where they study, and stayed largely at home while they were here. Medjool went back […]
Building My Wings on the Way Down Reflection
I wrote this post in 2018 and included an addendum at the end for how things feel this year, in 2022. Ringing in the new year without you is something I never want to do. This year, or ever. No matter how much time passes, no matter how my life changes; and no matter where […]
Don’t Make the Best of it. Own It.
This weekend, New Years Eve, to be exact, was me and Nick’s first wedding anniversary. On that night, we were supposed to attend a huge NYE party at a local establishment; complete with live music, prime rib dinners, dancing, and countdown to midnight festivities. We have been to this party before, a couple years back, […]