Regular readers by now will be familiar with Deer Tick Manor, the semi-rural property that Lee and I acquired almost 20 years ago. On July 18th, I bid farewell to Deer Tick. By late afternoon on that date, the place should have new owners, who may call it by any name they wish. To help […]
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Widowed Time
A Treasure to be Discovered 7am – the hot summer day barely peeks into my view…when you live in Cali, specifically Riverside, you can tell early on if it will be a hot one. I sit in the sort-of dining room / never quite an office / former in-between-nothing-room and put down words on a […]
Greater Ease in Groups
Photos my own – Montenegro – Lake Skadar and Bay of Kotor What is it that makes it easier, harder, or even impossible, to integrate, to participate in, to engage with, to be “fit for human consumption” in, a group? Not even two months ago, I wrote about a very challenging time I had had […]
Setbacks and Support
If you read this weekly, you may remember that 9 weeks ago I sprained my ankle badly. I wore my air cast for the first 2 weeks. Moved to smaller brace for a few weeks and I’ve been in physical therapy 1-2 times per week for the last 4 weeks. Long story short, I’ve been […]
Life Altered
So in preparing for my husbands upcoming triple bypass surgery, which will happen on July 20th, a few things have had to be changed or altered in order for us to make sure he is following doctors orders of getting rest, not lifting things, and not doing anything too stressful or strenuous. Nick had purchased […]
Back in Week Number One
Clayton, The buildup towards your funeral is tearing open wounds I thought were scared strong. I wrote about it last week and what has changed is the intensity and the heaviness. This all should have happened four years ago when the original storm hit. My grief timeline is so out of phase it’s uncharted waters. […]
Three Old Men
My close friendships with Eric and Bob go back to our high school days. We have remained so throughout these many years, despite the changes in our respective personal circumstances that inevitably occur over the course of a lifetime: wives and girlfriends, children and grandchildren, jobs and careers, and health being chief among these. The […]
o grief
you trip me up o grief you sneak up on me you fool me you trip me up o grief you catch me unawares you pretend a thing is okay you trick me o grief you seem to be at a distance you move in close you sabotage me o grief gimme […]
Residual Trauma
Photo my own, from today – Our Lady of the Rocks, Kotor Bay, Montenegro I am not an expert in trauma, though I do try to keep up with the research and literature concerning how trauma affects the body, patterns of behaviour, transformation and healing. I try to keep up on what it means to […]
The Fourth is the Same but Not
Today is the 4th of July but my celebrations for this holiday were yesterday. This is our 2nd Fourth of July without Tony, but we haven’t changed any of our traditions that he and I built. Every year my best friend and her family drive in from St. Louis to fill my home. We setup […]
A Second Chance
So there has been something going on that is a very big deal that I have wanted to talk about for quite awhile in here, but until now, I didnt have my husband Nick’s permission to do so. Why his permission? Because the “something” is about him and his health. Unlike me, when something significant […]
My Past in My Future
I don’t know how to navigate this. I don’t know how to balance out this future placed bereavement. I have been pressuring myself to “figure it out” because I feel overwhelmed by a lot in life right now. Something has to give or I’m going to crash. My daily routines are way off, and I’ve […]