….. and Love. No, not the book. But just those three small words. I was looking at my copy of the book this morning, wondering what I was going to post about for WV. And then I started thinking about those 3 words. And about how small they are, but also about how much power and emotion has been packed into each of them since Jim died.First …..
young widow
The August Flu
Even though I have now lived through the month of August five times since Phil’s death, I once again failed to notice the signs of the anniversary flu as August 31st approached this year. Maybe you recognize some of the symptoms?physically achy impatient slightly glum, but with no real cause low grade sense of impending doom decreased level of…
26
This Sunday will mark my baby’s 26th birthday….or 4th birthday in heaven. However you want to look at it. Birthday’s we’re always such a happy time but even three years later, the angst of certain holidays never weaken with time.I remember when I had my 23rd birthday…I had officially lived longer then my soul mate. Though that birthday was hard…
He Smiled
The other night I had a dream with Michael in it. A festival of some sort was taking place and I stood some distance away…eyes glued to my love. Something passed by, that before Michael could even look at it, I knew would be something he’d find amusing. I knew it would happen. One of the things that melted my heart and still brings butterflies to…
Losing Me
I remember the day. It was two months after Michael was killed and I found myself sitting on our big red chair, laptop in hand. Tears welled up in my eyes as I scrolled through the hundreds of photos I had of Michael. It would take a moment till I finally realized what I was doing. As I passed through each picture I would only look at Michael. When…
Create your own rules
Being a widow is no easy thing. From picking up the pieces , staring at them like they’re some foreign thing, and trying to create something semi-comprehensible….to the “outliers” (those are the people outside my situation), that try and put their two cents in…or in most cases…89 cents in, to what my life should be. There’s a lot going on.
Love After Love …
… is different. Very, very different. I wish I had known that. I wish I had known a widow who could have told me that. Someone who could have warned me. You see, I had only loved one person in my whole life (OK, other than my family members and friends). I had only fallen in love once. And he had only fallen in love once. We both had that…
1157
One restless night of blog surfing, I saw someone post the exact number of days since they lost their soul mate. I must admit, I stopped long ago in counting the exact days and months since Michael was killed. Knowing such numbers, especially in the never-ending days in the beginning of my grief, seemed like mental suicide. As much as I’m a…
When Will You Be Done?
Lately I have been asked by more than one person when I think I might be done with this whole, “widow thing.” Hmmm…done. Well I guess that depends on the definition of done. See the thing is, I will always be widowed. Remarriage doesn’t erase my widowhood. Being happy doesn’t erase the memories I have of lying in bed dry heaving as I screamed in…
Broken Heart
Sometimes I wonder how…. I had the Johnny and June idea about our life together. One of us would die and within a couple of months the other would die of a broken heart. Fast forward to almost 3 years later, and that theory has been proven wrong…..Even though there have been many times I’ve begged for it’s brokenness to take over the rest of my…
Embrace
“I don’t understand what’s happened to me?” “It’s huge. You’ve finely embraced the life you hadn’t planned on.” This quote from a movie just keeps echoing in my brain.I’ve noticed that, with quotes and words…they have a way of sticking to the sides of your mind during different parts of our life. Some temporarily to help you get through the day…
Kora
It started with a call from CJ (my brother in law), letting me know that he and Kenzi we’re heading to the hospital to have their baby girl. Rewind to 9 months earlier, it was another dinner and movie night at our home and Kenzi and CJ walked in, stood in the entrance and announced they were pregnant. When the words came out of their mouths, it was…