“What do I do now?” “Where do I go?” “How do I live?” These are just a few of the many questions so many of us ask after the loss of our counterpart…our soul mate.These questions helped fill my overactive brain from focusing on the reality that I needed to stop living in a nightmare and do it…venture into the wild and find the answers for…
young widow
A long distance dedication
Tomorrow is 5 years. Impossible to comprehend, but true nonetheless. Today’s blog will be a long distance dedication from Daniel to his friends and family. I think if he’d been given the choice (or if I’d had more time to think of it myself), he’d have had this played at his funeral. Jimmy Buffett – Lovely Cruise Drink it up, this one’s for…
Contradictions
Over the past month or so I have introduced Michael as my husband in a variety of circles. The responses to the word “husband” have been fascinating to me. When we are out with a group of friends or new acquaintances, the response is enthusiastic and congratulatory. These folks are just happy to see love in action. When in the company of people…
Guide
I’ve always taken my own path. I like the fresh, uncharted dirt beneath my feet, the barren terrain of land not crossed by others. Yes, as Michael would say, I lived in the clouds, a world of my own, but he never tried to change that, and in all honesty, I think it’s one of the things he loved so much about me. It’s the Christopher Columbus in me,…
2 Years Later
I just returned from England and decided to sift through posts I wrote on my first “once-in-a-lifetime” trip after Michael was killed. This poem sums it all up…My life here without him…my presence on this earth…my impact from that which he embedded in my being. The sentiments and feelings are still the same…as well as the love:9.11.08 Wow!!…
Adventure
After Michael was killed my equilibrium for life was off. How things and actions made by me were gauged, I can’t quite say would fall under the category of “adventure”, as my reasoning behind certain decisions was semi-based off the hope that maybe I’d join Michael sooner than later.Selfish? Yes. But at that point the biggest risk, the biggest…
Anniversary Gift
I am quickly approaching what would be my second wedding anniversary. Can I see a raise of hands as to who thinks this might be a difficult time for me? A no brainer, right?I have come to have a really negative visceral reaction to the word anniversary. It is a sad reality, but I like other young widowed people, missed out on a lot of things that…
ACL 2010
This weekend I’ll be at the Austin City Limits Music Festival. 8 stages, over a hundred bands, but to me it is so much more. Last October, my best friend (and fellow widow) and I ventured out on the green grass, drinking wine from sports bottles, listening to amazing music, having a grief/stress free time.Of course, since Michael’s death I’ve had…
Once In A Lifetime Trips
It’s that time of year. That time where I’m able to fulfill one of the biggest dreams Michael and I had. To travel across the world.I vowed after he died that I would take a once-in-a-lifetime trip once a year. The first being a 220 plus mile backpacking pilgrimage across Spain. The second was in Ireland. And this year I will be hopping around the…
Say
I found this photo. Simply a picture of a memorial for some strangers lost loved one. Raw. Honest. Candid. Words that can be used to define the words left to commemorate this soul, this being. What would yours say? For Michael’s Bench: “A lover of steak, mechanics, calculus, Star Trek, not using directions, cargo shorts, foreign films. All he…
Push
Active Lifestyle…. I lived one. I ran 5 days a week, did ab workout DVDs, went biking with Michael, and a little more here and there.Now in comparison to Michael, I was sedentary, but he was my motivation to do that which I was active in to begin with. Self care was something he was a huge advocate of, and feeling and looking my best made me feel…
Overwhelmed
It happens. A song plays. A breeze brushes past my face. A scene from a movie crosses the screen. I stand in the kitchen for no certain reason. A sunset paints itself across the horizon. Our dog sticks his head out the window. I lay silently in bed.These diminutive things take place, and from head to toe I am overwhelmed with how much I am in love…