…. than the word, “widowed”. So. Much. More. I used to hate that word. In the first two years out. Hated. Abhorred. Refused to use it or answer to it.I’ve come to learn that’s a very common response. The only widows I knew were older. And I in no way wanted to be associated with them. And then I started forming a group of young widows in my…
widowhood and moving forward
The News
It was Friday afternoon, and I was busy wrapping up some work that had been piled on my desk. I was looking forward to the end of the week, and for some relaxing time on the weekend. There was a lot on my mind, with Camp Widow being just around the corner, and things to get done at home. Suddenly my cell phone rang, and I could see it was my…
I’m happy
I’m gonna come out and say it. I’m happy. I’m a widow and I’m happy.It’s not because of another man either, and I didn’t win the lottery. I didn’t discover extra life insurance money or an extra $20,000 in my savings account. I still haven’t found a new place to live. (If you live in LA, I’m looking for a 3 bdrm, 2 bath on the…
Nine More Days…..
In just 9 more days I get to see some of my favorite people on the planet! A few of them are pictured here. It seems like only yesterday I was packing my suitcase and heading home after an amazing and exhausting weekend of Camp Widow. How can a year have passed already?I remember thinking after last year’s camp that a nice break from all the…
Looking for Him
Two years ago, less than three months after he died, I went looking for him. I remembered this today, as I made a to-do list. Things that need to happen before two of my three kids fly back east, without me. Even now, the notion of looking for him makes sense. So, I went back to the post I wrote on August 4, 2009.—– The chair where he always sat…
Potter
One of the things I started after Michael died was our “Date Nights”. It usually consists of a movie and a five course dinner with wine pairings throughout it. It’s amazing. From “Birds” to all three “Lord of the Ring” to “Chocolat” I sit there with an empty set next to me and savor every moment.But, as I’ve embraced life once more, I’ve found time…
Castaway
Sorry for another movie reference, but this one has been on my mind. Remember the movie Castaway with Tom Hanks? I was reminded of this movie just last week because of a dream I had. Remember how in the movie he returns after being presumed dead for years? His girlfriend of many years has married, and she now has a child, a family…she’s moved on.
Dating Again.
Well, last week I wrote about visualizing change. In fact, “Visualizing Change” was the title of concurrent posts both here and on my personal blog. I thought it appropriate to discuss the issue in both forums, as I wanted to feel like I carefully explored what I was wanting and what I was feeling.The subtitle to my personal blog is “one gay man’s…
How Did He Die?
I’m at the bank, not my usual branch. Comments are made about how tall my youngest is. “He’s only 9?” I nod. What I want to do is roll my eyes, and hand her a card that says:“Thank you for noticing that my child is tall. Hopefully he will be a tall man some day. I have trained him to smile and say “Thank you,” even though he has…
Healing Hurts Sometmes
When a friend is sick you hope they will get well soon. If you know someone who has cancer, you might pray fervently for them to be cured. After you’ve had surgery, a friend might call to tell you they hope you will heal quickly, but what about when someone dies. What do we wish then? After Phil’s death I feared getting better. I didn’t want to get…
are you ready for this?
One of the questions I’ve asked myself frequently since Jeff’s death is “Am I ready and do I want to date?” Aside from the need for physical contact, I can’t say that in the first year I was at all ready for “dating”. Last year, my second year of widowhood, I thought I was. With trepidation and large amount of humility, I took a look at online…
Things That Made Me Cry …..
…. like this picture of Jim …. no longer make me cry. Well, the majority of the time. There are always “one of those days/weeks”, but they are few and far between now. Mostly.This realization occurred to me this past weekend. I was looking for a tote bag to use for my swim suit and towel and various other Fourth of July sundries. I happened…