Yes. I know. I have a funny thing about time. And dates. I take time to reflect on time and what time is, or might be. Linear? Circular? Fluid? Fixed? Conceptual? Real? Polychronic? Monochronic? Measurable? Full of meaning and emotion? Or void of emotion and meaning? Time takes on such a different meaning, a different feel, post-loss. People say…
widowed sadness
The Roller Coaster of Grief
Grief is like a roller-coaster, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. There is no actual manual on how to navigate all this. There are resources to help you with it, but everyone deals with things differently. I feel like this roller-coaster of grief is tricky. I feel like I have made great progress in moving forward with my grief, but I…
Maudlin
One of the patterns I have noticed in friends’ responses to whatever I happen to post on social media is that, when I post some good news, “happy photos”, or an achievement, I get 3 or 4 times as many “likes”, comments, and whoopy doos, than if I post something hard, messy, painful and tough. There the sorrow just hangs out its forlorn…
I’ll Suffer for You
I want you to know that I accept the fact that you couldn’t stay Even though my heart, keeps breaking every single day I feel your loss in everything that I am, and in everything that I do Losing you was the hardest thing I have ever had to do My grief is great because my love for you is deep The deeper the love, the harder you grieve I…
A Piece of You
I felt my heart stop when your heart stopped beating I felt the air in my lungs leave my body, when you took your last breath I felt the world crumbling down on my chest, with every shock wave that went through yours I was an empty vessel walking above ground, while yours lays down in the soil empty as well I cried storms of sorrow, while rain…
What You May Not Know About Grief
What you don’t know is thatPeople die because of GriefPeople die because of a Broken HeartPeople Die by Suicide Because their Grief is Too Much to BearI had a call just last night from the Now-orphaned-daughter of a friendA widowWhose husband was my friend and colleague He had helped Mike get to Chemo treatments on occasion when I just couldn’t…
Money Woes
I’m really broke. Again. I’m really tired of being broke. I’m really tired of talking about being broke. I’m really tired of typing and writing about being broke. Even when my husband Don was alive, we struggled financially. Everyday. But he worked and I worked, and we helped each other out. He started helping me out way before he moved in with me.
La Rentrée
In France, where I live, early September, with its “back to school and back to work” is known as “la rentrée”. This week is “la rentrée”. Schools go back. Three-year olds begin pre-school, known here as “Maternelle”. Six-year olds begin primary/”Primaire”. Eleven-year olds begin secondary, known as “Collège”, and…
Clutching On To Solo-Parenting
These last few days have been a mad rush. I accompanied my “now youngest” daughter Megan, who is 18, to start university in the middle of the UK. We live in France, so it’s a bit of a schlep, and since we take a flight, there’s a limit to what we can carry. Furnishing her student digs, then, becomes a race against time and my credit card’s…
10 Months Ago
This week’s post from Mari shares some raw memories of the moments she shared with her husband in the hospital just after his death. If you are feeling vulnerable in your own grief experience today, please either proceed with caution or know that as an act of self-care it’s OK to choose not to read today’s post. It’s been 10 months since I…
Hard Day
Today was a hard day. It was filled with anger, sadness, desperation, and tears. I am angry at the fact that my husband is no longer here. I am mad that my daughter doesn’t get to grow up with her father, and that my husband doesn’t get to experience his daughter grow up. I am mad and disappointed at everything and everyone that was involved…
Return to Sender
So you are having a great day. Your future is brightening. The birthday of your passed person is on the horizon so you book two trips to help you through the day and allow yourself to get away and enjoy life. You don’t want to be alone and think of the 43 candles he won’t be blowing out with you this year. You don’t have to stress about…