In my recent experience learning about Human Dynamic Systems, one of the frameworks I was introduced to was called “Three Kinds of Change”. It posits that there are three types of change we face, and knowing what kind we are experiencing is important to helping us find appropriate ways of working with it. It occurred to me to look at aspects of…
grief and pain
It’s About Time
Yes. I know. I have a funny thing about time. And dates. I take time to reflect on time and what time is, or might be. Linear? Circular? Fluid? Fixed? Conceptual? Real? Polychronic? Monochronic? Measurable? Full of meaning and emotion? Or void of emotion and meaning? Time takes on such a different meaning, a different feel, post-loss. People say…
The Roller Coaster of Grief
Grief is like a roller-coaster, sometimes you are up and sometimes you are down. There is no actual manual on how to navigate all this. There are resources to help you with it, but everyone deals with things differently. I feel like this roller-coaster of grief is tricky. I feel like I have made great progress in moving forward with my grief, but I…
The Grief See-Saw Roundabout
(Note: Even though I live in France, I am basically British, and in the UK we call what Americans call a “Teeter Totter” a “See-Saw”; and we call what Americans call a “Merry-Go-Round” a “Roundabout”. At least we did back in the last millennium when I last lived in the UK). I have in my mind’s eye one of those playground…
What You May Not Know About Grief
What you don’t know is thatPeople die because of GriefPeople die because of a Broken HeartPeople Die by Suicide Because their Grief is Too Much to BearI had a call just last night from the Now-orphaned-daughter of a friendA widowWhose husband was my friend and colleague He had helped Mike get to Chemo treatments on occasion when I just couldn’t…
In The Past 24 Hours…
In the past 24 hours… …I collected my youngest daughter’s “personal effects” from the clinic she’d been attending …I was told that her death by suicide most probably wasn’t pre-meditated, but an “on the spur of the moment” action …I learned that my baby girl had been terrified at the possibility of being a carrier for Lynch…
Get Along, Grief Shamers
Along about the second year, definitely going into the third and then the fourth…I just wanted to scream at people. Not in anger, but in shredded grief and pain… Why can’t you just let me be sad? Why does it feel like I must defend myself against you? Why does it then feel like I have to defend my grief even to myself? Why does it feel like I…
It Must Have Superpowers
Did you ever feel so consumed by your own grief that you have forgotten that others grieve too? That they grieve not only for the loss of your spouse, who may have been a friend to them, but possibly they grieve also for other people that you may know absolutely nothing about? Do you find that during this time of all consuming grief, you have…
“I’m Okay”
“Don’t lie” shouted my step-dad from the other side of the room. This exchange happened while my Mum was in ICU in April 2008. My dad called to check up, and we had our auto-pilot introductory exchange. My step-dad called it for what it was. My step-dad also said during this time, “Never get married. Loosing a spouse sucks”. Well…
I’ve Lost My Body Connection…
I’ve lost my body connection. In the months since my dearest husband died, my body has become alien to me and I realized it fully last week when I joined a gentle stretching yoga class. My daughter was the instructor and she is, indeed, gentle in both movement of body and in manner.Maybe, possibly, the difficulty had to do with the varying…