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Wendy Saint-Onge

I Still Look For Him

Posted on: December 4, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

I still look for Ben.  Yes I do.  Not so much in person (although I do that too) but rather, I tend to look for him online.  On the internet. I have read everything that exists online about Ben.  In fact, I wrote most of it. But still I look, as though I’m hoping he might post a new picture or write something in a new guitar forum.  I…

Categories: Widowed Holidays

Ben Can’t Be Bought Online

Posted on: November 27, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

Back in my real world, when Ben existed, he managed all the money and did so with quite a bit of success.  He was very good at investing and made some smart moves when it came to stock picks (although it was I who insisted on purchasing Lululemon shares and I who insisted on purchasing FB shares).  When he was alive I didn’t think he was that…

Categories: Miscellaneous

Stress

Posted on: November 20, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

I have a lot going on right now and I am feeling extremely stressed out.  Life in general is not going well for my youngest daughter, and in order to help her cope I have decided to leave work and stay home with her for her second semester of school this year.  Also, I have just found out that I require surgery on Dec 7th which will take me out…

Categories: Widowed Holidays, Widowed Emotions

We Didn’t Win

Posted on: November 13, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

My youngest daughter is 16.  She was 13 years old when she found out her Dad was dying.  She was 14 when he actually died.  I’m sure it goes without saying that every moment of her life since the day she found out he was sick has been a challenge.  A challenge that most adults would be unable to manage, and yet this girl manages.  She is…

Categories: Widowed Effect on Family/Friends, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Emotions

Don’t Take The Boy

Posted on: November 6, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

Last Monday was just an average day. I had some running around to do and appointments to attend. A pre Vegas hair colour, a dentist appointment… that sort of thing. Nothing too crazy or anxiety inducing, and the panic I tend to experience on the daily remained at a reasonable low for the most part. I ended the day by attending a relaxing yoga…

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions, Miscellaneous

Tattoos And Zippers

Posted on: October 30, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

As I sit here thinking about what I want to write, I am struck by the fact that I don’t really want to write about Ben specifically.  That’s a first.  I had a pretty good week overall, and despite going it alone I was still able to find some joy. Last weekend was the start of several busy days in a row which left little time for grief to rear…

Categories: Widowed

I Shouldn’t Have Come Alone

Posted on: October 23, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

As I write this I have just pulled into the parking lot at the office of my urologist, Dr A. I have parked in stall number 61 and I find myself frozen in the drivers seat of my car as unwanted memories come flooding back into my brain. I remember the day I pulled into this parking lot with Ben. I don’t recall what stall number we parked in that…

Categories: Widowed Memories, Widowed Emotions

Missing That Hug

Posted on: October 16, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

I wrote this post a few days ago in the middle of the night.  I’m posting it just as I wrote it on that night.  Read on. ***** I think I must be the only person in the world to experience anxiety attacks while I am actually asleep. Seriously. It can be 4am and I can be in the middle of what I would hope to be a solid 8 hours, when suddenly I find…

Categories: Widowed Emotions

Grief Is A Funny Thing

Posted on: October 9, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

Just when I find myself moving along a little more effortlessly and thinking, “I’ll be damned.  I think I’ve got this handled” … it happens.  WHAM!  Grief jumps out of nowhere and slams me so hard in the chest that I find myself gasping for breath and thinking, “What the fuck just happened there?” (Or, “what the heck just happened there?” …

Categories: Widowed Holidays, Widowed Community

Live Life

Posted on: October 2, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

Live life. Good advice, right?  I have always liked to pass that piece of advice onto my kids whenever I had the opportunity.  “Take time off before University.  Go see the world.  Live your life while you can.”  That’s what we used to say to them. We had all sorts of tidbits of advice which included, “Happiness is a choice, so choose…

Categories: Miscellaneous

Happy Anniversary, Ben The Titan

Posted on: September 25, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

At the time of this writing it is September 24th.  Today is my 23rd wedding anniversary.   I know that everyone out there reading this post can understand that this is a difficult week for me.  I miss Ben beyond measure every single day, but on our anniversary, well, that’s one of the tougher ones. I wrote an anniversary letter to Ben on my…

Categories: Uncategorized

It Must Have Superpowers

Posted on: September 18, 2017 | Posted by: Wendy Saint-Onge

Did you ever feel so consumed by your own grief that you have forgotten that others grieve too?  That they grieve not only for the loss of your spouse, who may have been a friend to them, but possibly they grieve also for other people that you may know absolutely nothing about?  Do you find that during this time of all consuming grief, you have…

Categories: Widowed Emotions, Widowed by Illness

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