After two weeks living in my new place, my new city, my new life, I am feeling at peace most of the time. The anguish of living in “our” house has lifted. My new life matches the new me a little better.I’m meeting wonderful new people and finding new ways to heal. I’ve been sleeping through the night more often, a reflection of the peace I’ve been…
widow
My Best Friend Got Married
Michele is filling in for Michelle D. today…who is currently lounging in St. John….My best friend, and fellow widow, is now married.The readers here have a unique view of this new marriage, because the majority of us have outlived a spouse. We KNOW how it feels to be “parted” from our loved one by death. I’d wager that many of us said the word…
Trying
I am going to start by apologizing that my post for today is so late. I’ll admit that I am frazzled and busy. I can also tell you that I tried to post last night but after an unexplained computer shut-down, I was sceptical that my article had posted. So at 5 AM, I checked. No post. No post and I had to get up to get the kids ready for school and…
I Am Not a Mind Reader
…. and I don’t really think I want to be.But it would certainly make some things easier …. relationships, for instance. I wouldn’t have to guess what a certain word is supposed to mean …. or a certain look ….. or the raise of an eyebrow. I wouldn’t have to wonder if all men like this, or hate that ….. or if all widows feel this, or…
Blessing
I’m sitting in my new apartment while I type this. Soon, I’ll have to go get ready to leave. Today I have to drive back to the house and work on clearing what I want out of the place before I can have an estate sale. I don’t want to leave my new place, and this surprises me. I’ve lived here a week and already it feels like home. It’s amazing how…
Of All The Feelings in The World ….
…. I hate rage the most.Or at least it’s in the top 3.Pity might be number 1.It’s an exhausting emotion and it leads people to make very bad, very poor choices while they are in it. And you mostly feel worse afterwards. Rage has been a regular visitor at my house over the last 2 weeks.I will not bore you with all of the horrid “teenage vs.
2012
Holy smokes, Batman. 2000 freakin’ 12. I don’t quite know how to simply describe 2011 or simply describe what I hope 2012 to be.I feel I’ve excelled. I feel I’ve failed. I feel I’ve laughed more. I feel I’ve been disappointed more. I feel I’ve grown. I feel I’ve shrunk. I feel I’ve exceeded my expectations. I feel like I haven’t done enough. I…
Aging Gratefully
Today is my birthday. I am 42 years old, three years older than Phil was when he died six years ago (crazy to think he would be 46 right now!). My first birthday without him I remember wishing time could just stand still. I didn’t want to age without him;I didn’t want to celebrate being alive with birthday songs and presents; and I didn’t want to…
Is It Just Me ….
…. or does anyone else ever feel like moving away and starting over? From everyone that knew them “before” …. and from all of those friends who can’t seem to see you as anything but “different” ….. and it all seems to get worse as time goes on? I have now passed the 4 year mark. This is my life. I am no longer married. I am single. I get…
2 down, 48 to go…
Christmases without Greg, that is. Given my long-lived female relatives, I know I can expect to see the age of 90 if not 100 years old. (Longevity seems to be a heritable trait in my family … as does early widowhood.) Which means 48 more Christmases to endure even with the more conservative estimate…. …and I don’t want to do another single…
I Think I Do
It’s so strange how much easier the holidays were than I expected. Don’t get me wrong, it hasn’t been easy, just easier than expected. I’ve been feeling almost spooked by the lack of horrific pain I’ve felt in the last week or so leading up to Christmas.For one thing, Dave and I never made a big deal out of Christmas. We’d hit his parents’…
Speaking to the Ghost of Christmas Past
The day Phil died, my world was irrevocably changed. No amount of crying, wishing, or begging could switch my new reality back to the reality of what seems like only moments ago. The first Christmas without him, I sat on the coach alone watching the kids open gifts that only I chose, purchased, wrapped, and stowed under the tree…barely able to…