Today marks the beginning of another April. This is THE month for me, the one we lost Tony. Last week I was chatting with a friend, and she asked me how I was feeling with the anniversary coming up soon. Also noting that it will be 3 years and how many people told me that […]
Widowed
The Surreal Experience of Time and Loss
“Today, March 26, 2024, the moon is 16 days old and is entering the waning gibbous phase of its lunar cycle. It is 98% illuminated.” — Space.com This morning I stepped out the back door and came face to face with the moon. It was around 5:30 a.m. The moon appeared full-ish tho’ my awareness […]
Dear Hubby
St. Patrick’s Day 2024 marked two years since Erik took his last breath. This year seemed to be more challenging in different ways than I remembered year one being. It seemed to hit harder and more vivid. I was so much more aware of the situation and my feelings and everything that has happened since […]
200 Miles Solo
This weekend felt like a solo parenting marathon. The younger boys were both in a soccer tournament with three games each. Additionally, the youngest was also in a baseball tournament with four games. Feels like one of those grade school math word problems! The answer is, the boys had 10 sports games total. Strangely, only […]
The Art of Camp Widow
I choose art media like I choose sandwiches. I go with my favorite. The sure thing. What I love the most — Collage. Creating through collage requires bringing many things together into a whole. Like community, it feels like “Here comes everybody!” or, better, “Here come all the things.” This was Camp Widow Tampa, 2024. […]
Managing the Storm
A repost! Ever since Erik’s passing I’ve had a hard time finding something just for myself. Something that would take my mind off grieving just for a little bit, but also something I could look forward to that wasn’t just obligations of daily life. Around the 6 month mark, people started telling me, “You need […]
When it Rains it Pours
What a week! Sometimes, life just piles it on, doesn’t it? Last week, was spring break so the kids were home all week. I didn’t take any time off work, so we did our best to balance it all. They ran a little feral through the neighborhood with their friends. I had to replenish the […]
Facing Fear
A Conversation I see you, fear. I see you once again and say ‘hey’ formidable crafty opposer. Mess-making friend who turns the neatly arranged inner furniture up-side-down and brings all manner of havoc to me— unbidden. You arrive at my door in many costumes; posing beneath a plethora of masks and feelings; […]
The Solo Road
As many of us know, being a solo parent has many, many challenges to say the least. Lately trying to balance being a solo mom with dealing with my grief has been quite overwhelming as we inch closer to Erik’s second death anniversary. Early on in my grief, a lot of my insecurities and worries […]
Impending Milestone
Next Sunday is our wedding anniversary. Because it’s on St. Patrick’s Day, people tend to remember the date. Last night, my friends were asking how I wanted to spend that day and offered companionship if I needed it. I know I won’t be heading to any of the city’s parades. As one friend dryly joked, […]
Sleep Remedy
Up at night? What to do? Stare at the ceiling? Worry? Go online? Or try something new . . . A stream of consciousness writing exercise called Writing Practice. Created by a writing teacher for those who love to write but don’t know what to write about. Here’s how it works […]
The Dark Day
As we have now entered the dark month I find myself significantly more anxious during my days, more than I have been for a while. I feel like I have been trying so hard to not live in the days of 2022 leading to that dark day. It seems as if any second I have […]