My parents received an extended family photo session for Christmas. The plan was to have the pictures taken this spring. The session would include my parents, my brother and his family, and my boys and me. However, finding a spring date that aligned with all five grandkids extra-curricular activities was not easy. Admittedly, my kids’ schedules were the most difficult.
One of the dates I threw out was April 21st, the day after the anniversary of Tony’s death. Usually, the day after a milestone comes a little easier than the days leading up to or the day of. I felt I could probably muster up a smile when prompted. At the time, we also had no idea what we’d be doing on the 20th to remember him. Sleeping in a frigid tent was the last thing on my mind. Naturally, the 21st was the date selected for our photography session.
I was up super early, but I’m glad we had until the afternoon to appear presentable. The kids and I pulled our tired selves together and cleaned up rather nicely all things considered.
On my way out the door, I grabbed a small glass heart for Tony. At my first Camp Widow, I selected this heart in the suicide support group. I took this same heart to Florida last September when we had our first set of family photos taken without Tony. In that session, we took some photos holding it. This time, I kept it in the pocket of my dress.
I didn’t tell anyone I had it with me. And I don’t feel the need to pose with it every time we take pictures from now until forever. It was my little way of keeping him with us. Secretly, trying to balance his absence in all our pictures. So, while we don’t need to pose with this memento, I may always have it tucked away. A small physical representation for a smile we’ll always miss.
