Year Three My imagination moves toward the clouds when I think of Dan. In the early days, I explored the clouds with curiosity and searched for him there. This particular cloud image is meant to show me past the event, so I selected one with light, shadow, darkness and clouds. The death-day passed with hard […]
Widowed
Memories Missed
This past weekend some of my in-laws visited; Erik’s dad, his stepmom, and his older brother. It’s always great to have them visit and the twins always love being around them. While they were only here for a short while we made the most of it. As a solo mom, planning anything even just for […]
No Time
As I started to get ready for bed tonight, I realized it was Monday and I haven’t yet written anything. Our days feel so packed right now I don’t find myself looking too far forward. Which is probably why I am squeezing these posts out so late. Just under the chaos of everything, I know […]
Traveling in the Land of Grief
Buried under too many things to mention, I reached out to Mary and asked her to use this blog from my earliest days of grief as a fill-in for Wednesday, April 10th. As I move toward the 3-Year Anniversary milestone, just days away, it was bittersweet reading this post from the beginning of my journey. I hope […]
The Little Things
A repost! I miss the little things. The things not many people talk about in loss. I don’t just miss my person on holidays, anniversaries, or milestones, but all those in between days. All the in-between minutes and seconds and moments. Something as simple as how he used to hug me from behind as I […]
Preparing for the Deathiversary
The kids and I made a plan for what to do on the upcoming third anniversary of Tony’s death. One of the boys and I were by ourselves driving recently when he asked me about camping. If we were ever going camping again, at a specific location Tony loved. I told him we would go […]
A Case Study in Free Will
It’s been a slow week for me on the writing front, so I will give you Mario’s obituary, which I wrote on Valentine’s day, four days after The Day, because what else would I have done that Valentine’s day. I’m also a firm believer that obituaries should not be boring. Bonus points for humor and […]
Widowed Movies
Fact: I am a hopeless cinephile. I was reminded of my love of film while watching a documentary on YouTube named “Sr.” The film features the life of Robert Downey, Sr., created and filmed by his son. We visit the elder Downey’s life as a filmmaker and follow while he is being filmed in real […]
Where is your Dad?
Today during school pickup a little girl from the twins’ class ran up to me and started pulling at my jacket. As I was in the middle of hugging Charlotte, I didn’t pay her much attention. She kept pulling on my jacket as persistent as ever. So I looked down at her smiled and said, […]
April Again
Today marks the beginning of another April. This is THE month for me, the one we lost Tony. Last week I was chatting with a friend, and she asked me how I was feeling with the anniversary coming up soon. Also noting that it will be 3 years and how many people told me that […]
The Surreal Experience of Time and Loss
“Today, March 26, 2024, the moon is 16 days old and is entering the waning gibbous phase of its lunar cycle. It is 98% illuminated.” — Space.com This morning I stepped out the back door and came face to face with the moon. It was around 5:30 a.m. The moon appeared full-ish tho’ my awareness […]
Dear Hubby
St. Patrick’s Day 2024 marked two years since Erik took his last breath. This year seemed to be more challenging in different ways than I remembered year one being. It seemed to hit harder and more vivid. I was so much more aware of the situation and my feelings and everything that has happened since […]