Whew. And just like that the season is wrapped up. Finally. Since the ‘ber months started all I could think to myself was, just get me to January 2nd. As hard as it is every day to live with grief it’s worst during the holiday season. Mostly when our wedding anniversary falls two days before […]
Widowed
Word of the Year
Happy New Year everyone!! Emily is out and enjoying vacation with her kids. Please give her post from the start of 2023 a read as it is still quite fitting to be present in 2024 too! ~Mary “In my very first post here I said I’ve never been a New Year resolution kind of gal. […]
Marking Time
Through Numbers This is my 85th blog post as a widow. By 71 years + 230 days, time marked 32 years since Dan’s first heart attack at age 39. When he died, we had been married for 18,913 days (50 years + 9 months) when no one thought these two crazy kids would make it […]
‘Tis the Tangled Lights
And there goes the second December without Erik. This past week has been a whirlwind of emotions. December is always such a hard time. The holiday season starts with our wedding anniversary on the eve of Christmas Eve. This second year of celebrating the holidays without Erik hit me harder than I had expected. It […]
When Things Go Wrong
in Grief and Life I love this image. One folder looks like tax receipts; another could be love letters. Bookends of life. When things go wrong in grief it forms a layer on top of the grief itself. We are carrying one thing and then, suddenly, there is another layer on top (and often another […]
Last Parent Standing
A repost! I am not a single parent. I am a solo parent. It was only a few months after Erik’s passing that I was out of town. Everything during this time was still painful. Waking up, breathing, pretending to smile, existing – it was all so painful. I was on my way to the […]
The Trickster of Grief
Forgetting “What did I do with my glasses?” I ask. “This is strange. I’ve looked everywhere.” This was me in my twenties, thirties, and beyond. This is me today. Five minutes ago. Perhaps if I’d gone to a Montessori school, things would be different. Nope. Forgetting has ever been a part of my norm. […]
Blue Christmas
This past week we did a few holiday activities. It seems I have been trying to fill my time as much as I can in the hopes that I don’t stop long enough to deeply feel what I’m feeling. I know this is probably not healthy, but the holiday season this year has been a […]
Showing Up
to Meet the Magic It all started with remembering how my late husband, an extrovert, was so great about having energy for everything. Last minute gathering with our kids? No problem. Just tell me where and when. Holiday fun in town, or out of town, or two events in a row? Bring it on! My […]
Yes, You Can
Lately, with the holiday season coming into full swing I’ve been feeling more and more overwhelmed. Another holiday season without Erik. Another holiday season where I’m the solo parent trying to create this magical joyful season for my kids when I feel very much the opposite. I’ve thought long and hard about scaling back Christmas. […]
Unexpected Weeping Session
Arrives as Gift It all started with a parrot, followed by two or more yapping chihuahuas. A din. The parrot screamed: Mom! Mom! Incessant barking sounded through the fence as loud, or louder, than a pack of small dogs sounding an alarm at close range. Were they being corralled? Or ostracized from being cozy […]
Sailing the Seas
Last year after we celebrated the twins’ birthday for the first year without Erik, I realized sitting in the quiet aftermath of the party that I did not want to do this anymore moving forward. I didn’t want to throw birthday parties the way we used to, without my husband, mostly as the twins share […]