Yesterday was the 4th anniversary of Tony’s passing. In case you missed it, yesterday was also Easter. I have known and dreaded for a full year that these two events would coincide. About a month ago, I checked in with my kids about the date. Bringing the calendar to their attention and getting their thoughts […]
Widowed Parenting
Our Lost Cat
Our cat has been missing for four days, and the anniversary of Tony’s death is in six days. Into that equation go ahead and add that my oldest will be 16 in two days. In summation, I am struggling. I feel like such a failure losing the cat, as the adult in the house it’s […]
The Dreaded Week
Here we are yet again. Another year. Another death anniversary. As this week began, so did the replays. The replays of each day of this week leading up to Erik’s death. The replay of each detail. Each interaction. Each moment. My mind looking for something I might have missed. Running through the what-ifs. Looking, searching, […]
The Story of Three Mothers
and a Camp named Widow “Camp Widow is a gathering for widowed people by widowed people. Over the course of three days, attendees speak candidly about death, forge connections with others over shared experiences of loss, and find ways to navigate the tricky waters of grief. Founded by Michele Neff Hernandez, who suddenly became a […]
Home Alone
As a solo parent, every now and then I find my brain in the middle of a ‘what if’ spiral of paranoia. After the death of a partner, the mortality of ourselves and our loved ones lives closer to the surface. I know life can change in an instant. Friday night I found myself driving […]
To my Erik,
In two weeks it will be three years since you took your last breath. So much has changed since you’ve been gone, yet sometimes it feels as if it was still just yesterday. I still very much feel as if I’m in survival mode. Each day I put on a brave face for the twins […]
Slideshow Selections
This is my last year having a kid in elementary school. Preparations have already begun for the year end celebration at the school. Our school hosts what they call the Fifth Grade Farewell. It’s a day of fun games and activities for the kids. At the end of the day, the kids, their teachers, and […]
Application to Milestones
Here we are at yet another milestone, which I find myself doing alone. I have been in full-on preparation mode for the last two weeks as I get ready for the twins’ kindergarten open enrollment. Even though I had spent some time prepping and doing research last year, it didn’t hit me as hard as […]
Lunar New Year Eve Reflections
As I sit here finishing my preparations for the Lunar New Year tomorrow I can’t help but look back on this past year. Lunar New Year has always been one of the most important holidays to our family next to Christmas and 4th of July. It was one that I welcomed Erik to be a […]
The Solo Road
This past week I had the privilege of attending one of my best friend’s wedding. Although I had anticipated the feelings that would accompany going to another wedding without Erik, I wasn’t quite prepared for what I felt those five days. As always, leaving the twins is always hard. The anxiety set in as I […]
Where Is Dad
Each year since Tony died, I have taken the kids on a vacation the week between Christmas and New Years. We’ve been to Disney World, Jamaica, Mexico, and this year I took the boys on their first ever cruise. I find myself counting these vacations to remember how many holidays he’s missed. Traveling over the […]
Weather Delays
I’m sorry, I missed my post last week. The kids and I traveled over the holiday break. We were supposed to be home Saturday night. As luck would have it, there was also ice and snow headed to our hometown Saturday. A few days earlier I moved our flight time up a few hours to […]