Last night was really tough. The twins and I were in our after-school routine, as we were most weekdays. I started the bath as usual and put one twin in after the next. As I began to wash Charlotte’s hair, Wyatt said to me, “I really really really want Daddy, Mommy. He’s taking foreverrrrrr to […]
Widowed Parenting
Thanksgiving Sentiments
It’s Thanksgiving week in the US, and we are bombarded with messaging telling us how to feel. Well wishes telling us to be thankful, or to gather and enjoy each other. The first year, I was annoyed and angry. I wanted to scream when faced with messages of gratefulness. Do not tell me to be […]
If Only.
As I was driving the twins home from school on Friday something hit me. Just out of the blue, I started to full on cry. The kind of crying that I couldn’t do silently. The kind I couldn’t hide. The kind where I felt it deep down in the pit of my stomach. I tried […]
Well, my Daddy is Dead.
A repost! Greetings from Europe…join me next week to read about some of my adventures traveling with the twins for the last two weeks! Yesterday Charlotte took me by surprise. As we were getting ready for a birthday party I had said something to her about pooping and out of nowhere and just randomly she […]
Exploring What Might Help
Today I wish to offer three simple tools to help those of us who are having an especially “off” day. Three fresh ideas or strategies for your back pocket at the ready in advance of your need. Difficult days arrive out of nowhere for new widowed people, or long-time widowed people. […]
“I want to give your kids the world.”
As the twins’ birthday trip nears I have found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. More so than normal. Any time I’m getting ready for a trip I find myself thinking of Erik more often than I already do. So why do I continue to do it? Because traveling also makes me feel closest […]
Future Inquiries
“Are we going to get a stepdad?” my then 7-year-old asked me. It had been less than one month since Tony died. Like all deep questions posed by children, this one was at bedtime. It was a question for which I was unprepared. I do remember stumbling through an answer. If my widow memory is […]
Bookmarked
The last few weekends have been so busy for us. Part of it has been trying to fit in all our fall traditions before we leave for the twins yearly birthday trip and the other part was trying to keep up with our daily lives. As the start of the ‘ber months began it just […]
Sick and Solo
It was bound to happen. For four years I have managed to avoid contracting Covid, but that changed last week. When Tony first passed in 2021, I worried about it a lot. How would I manage taking care of the boys while taking care of myself? Where would it be best to quarantine? Could someone […]
The Impossible Question
Lately, I’ve been really struggling with figuring out an answer to “the question”. The question that I keep dreading in the back of my head each day. The question that the twins keep asking more and more of as the days go by. What happened to Daddy? As they get older I feel the anxiety […]
Time
Welp. I wrote this last week and must have forgotten to hit the publish button. Goodness me. So here it is, a week late. In her book, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin writes, “The days are long, but the years are short.” I haven’t read her book, so I don’t know the full context in […]
As the Seasons Change
A repost as we get into the holiday season! The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It […]