Why is it so hard to prioritize ourselves and our health? Before Tony passed, I had started a workout routine that I enjoyed. It was the first time since having kids that I had started one and was sticking to it. The day he passed was the 79th day in a row that I had […]
Widowed Parenting
Reliving the Worst
I try not to relive the trauma of the day our lives changed forever too often. The memories are seared into my brain and are always there to conjure if prompted. I do my best to let them lay because they are so painful to hold on the surface for too long. Yesterday, a friend […]
My Village
Yesterday I flew home from a five-day trip to Florida without the kids. Looking back on it, I realize how fortunate I am to have a support system that allowed me to go. My in-laws signed on early to the idea of keeping the boys for the entirety of my trip. Normally when I leave […]
Word of the Year
In my very first post here I said I’ve never been a New Year resolution kind of gal. I still maintain that I am not. For me, the resolutions are too specific and confined that make me feel destined to fail. As a lifelong perfectionist failure is way outside my comfort zone. Over the last […]
Vacationing Without Him
After the success of surprising my kids last year with a Christmas trip to Orlando, I decided to try it again this year. On Christmas morning, they woke up to a scavenger hunt that revealed we were going to Jamaica for 6 days over the holiday break. This time we had a few days before […]
Our Second Christmas
This is our second Christmas without Tony but despite that, it was a first of sorts. For our first Christmas without him, I couldn’t bear the thought to be in town. I didn’t want to feel forced to participate in the merriment. The thought of his empty place and the looks of condolence at all […]
Another Suicide Loss
Last week, news broke that Stephen “tWitch” Boss died by suicide. As a survivor of suicide loss, each time I hear of someone else dying this way I feel a little crushed. It’s like my brain can’t process how or why this keeps happening to people. The subsequent days filled my news feeds with things […]
Signs from a Stocking
We are coming into the thick of the holiday season now. I’ve already been to 1 holiday party, and I have 2 more scheduled this week and the following. It feels a little excessive this year but I’m rolling with it for now. Our dreaded Elf on the Shelf is back, but the older boys […]
Anti At-Least Parenting
Parenting solo is hard. I could self-criticize plenty of things I did better when there were two of us, but I’m not here to dwell on those today. This weekend, I realized how grief has changed a specific part of my parenting style for the better. Saturday morning, my middle son was woken up by […]
Halloween Changes
Today is Halloween and per usual my feelings are complicated. I have always loved Halloween, it’s right before my birthday, I love dressing up and expressing some creativity. Before Tony and I had kids, we used to have a big party every year and we usually put a lot of thought into our costumes. Once […]
Stress Manifested
Last Monday, I was feeling a small sense of calm after weeks of high stress. I’d been stressed with the daily tasks of parenting and adulting my household alone. While grieving heavily as the longevity of this loss came into focus. Monday afternoon I sat down in the chair at my hairstylist because shocking, these […]
Muscle Memory
Grilling and smoking is one of the things that Tony took the lead on during our marriage. I was a passive bystander at best. One time he put me in charge of watching some jalapeno poppers he was grilling while he ran down to help a neighbor. I managed to catch one on fire and […]