Why is it so hard to prioritize ourselves and our health?
Before Tony passed, I had started a workout routine that I enjoyed. It was the first time since having kids that I had started one and was sticking to it. The day he passed was the 79th day in a row that I had worked out. I was starting my 12th straight week of working out and I was crushing it. We were both proud of me. However, all that progress came to a grinding halt that day.
In those first few weeks, I could barely eat. I knew better than to go burn through the few calories I was able to intake. I’m not sure I could have completed a workout if I tried.
Over the course of the last 23 months, I have started and stopped my home workout programs a few times. Inevitably I have let some excuse in, and I am my own worst enemy.
However, there are other ‘self-care’ things I’ve done that I never make an excuse to quit. I have never skipped a hair appointment. After Tony passed, I started getting my nails done every 3-4 weeks. Most recently, I started getting semi-regular facials. All of these, I can throw under the category of self-care, and I haven’t missed a single session.
I realized I needed to drop the pretext with exercise. So, this weekend I joined a new gym and went to my first class this morning. I knew a few people already and met some other nice women in the class. Of course, it was a leg day, so I probably won’t be able to use the bathroom later but it’s fine!
I want to be stronger. My kids deserve a mom who can keep up with their shenanigans. Shoot, I want to instigate shenanigans and embarrass them! I want to live a long and healthy life. Moving my body must be a part of that equation. It’s time I made this step and I think I’m finally back in the mental state that I’m ready for it. We are all a work in progress. I’m working towards a strong body and a strong mind.
The hardest part of the year is approaching as I look toward our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of his death. Hopefully, introducing some endorphins into my life will help me through this time. I am also hoping that by writing this down, it will help me stick with it. A little manifestation if you will.
