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Exercise as Self Care

Posted on: March 6, 2023 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

Why is it so hard to prioritize ourselves and our health?

Photo by Tyler Nix on Unsplash

Before Tony passed, I had started a workout routine that I enjoyed. It was the first time since having kids that I had started one and was sticking to it. The day he passed was the 79th day in a row that I had worked out. I was starting my 12th straight week of working out and I was crushing it. We were both proud of me. However, all that progress came to a grinding halt that day.

In those first few weeks, I could barely eat. I knew better than to go burn through the few calories I was able to intake. I’m not sure I could have completed a workout if I tried.

Over the course of the last 23 months, I have started and stopped my home workout programs a few times. Inevitably I have let some excuse in, and I am my own worst enemy.

However, there are other ‘self-care’ things I’ve done that I never make an excuse to quit. I have never skipped a hair appointment. After Tony passed, I started getting my nails done every 3-4 weeks. Most recently, I started getting semi-regular facials. All of these, I can throw under the category of self-care, and I haven’t missed a single session.

Photo by LOGAN WEAVER | @LGNWVR on Unsplash

I realized I needed to drop the pretext with exercise. So, this weekend I joined a new gym and went to my first class this morning. I knew a few people already and met some other nice women in the class. Of course, it was a leg day, so I probably won’t be able to use the bathroom later but it’s fine!

I want to be stronger. My kids deserve a mom who can keep up with their shenanigans. Shoot, I want to instigate shenanigans and embarrass them! I want to live a long and healthy life. Moving my body must be a part of that equation. It’s time I made this step and I think I’m finally back in the mental state that I’m ready for it. We are all a work in progress. I’m working towards a strong body and a strong mind.

The hardest part of the year is approaching as I look toward our wedding anniversary and the anniversary of his death. Hopefully, introducing some endorphins into my life will help me through this time. I am also hoping that by writing this down, it will help me stick with it. A little manifestation if you will.

Photo by sydney Rae on Unsplash

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed and Healing, Widowed Milestones, Widowed Emotions, Widowed Therapy, Widowed by Suicide, Uncategorized

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 42 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 8 and 13. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.

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