I have had a heaviness about me for the last week or so. I’m not sure why. Grief is telling me he’s here and I’m just holding his weighted hand. It’s almost like a stalemate of sorts. Both of us accepting the other’s presence. As always there are reminders everywhere and maybe they just build […]
Widowed Parenting
Medical Decisions
There have been countless times since Tony died that something has happened, and I just want to call him. I’ll want to share some bit of news with him, seek his advice, or just to vent. I didn’t have the option to keep his phone on since his job paid for it. Even though it’s […]
Meet The Teacher
It’s that time of year when the kids go back to school, the schedule fills up and the days are filled with more structure. When I look back on our ‘before’ life, I find it surreal that this is the second year Tony is missing this milestone. This is the second year I have had […]
“Worse Things Happen At Sea”
Photos my own and a scan from my dad Growing up in Brussels in the 1970s and 1980s, there were a couple of sea-related sayings that were oft used in our family. Not that we lived close to the sea. Though we did cross the English Channel and the North Sea a few times a […]
Quiet Nights
I don’t sit alone very often. I could tell you it’s because I have 3 kids at home that I’m a solo parent to, but I think I’d be lying. The real reason I don’t sit alone is because I don’t like to, and I don’t want to. Friday night, I found myself sitting outside […]
Inspired by Rosemerry’s Daughter
Image by Juliane Liebermann on Unsplash I receive – and devour – the daily poems of the poet and storyteller, Rosemerry Wahtola Trommer. I first came across her work through Megan Devine’s weekly and monthly prompts. As is the way of the world, once you come across someone’s work, you see it quoted in myriad […]
Untethered
Widowhood makes me feel untethered in so many ways. Sometimes, it’s the small things that make me feel so unattached. For me, adult communication is at the top of my list. As a young adult, I bloomed from a quiet shy girl into an extroverted woman. I have no problems telling stories, getting up in […]
Uncharted Parenting
I have never tried to keep how Tony passed a secret. Even if I had, the community here is too tight knit. Although we’re part of a metro city, the suburbs where I live is one of those where you can’t go anywhere without seeing someone you know. Add in the fact that both Tony […]
Setbacks and Support
If you read this weekly, you may remember that 9 weeks ago I sprained my ankle badly. I wore my air cast for the first 2 weeks. Moved to smaller brace for a few weeks and I’ve been in physical therapy 1-2 times per week for the last 4 weeks. Long story short, I’ve been […]
Residual Trauma
Photo my own, from today – Our Lady of the Rocks, Kotor Bay, Montenegro I am not an expert in trauma, though I do try to keep up with the research and literature concerning how trauma affects the body, patterns of behaviour, transformation and healing. I try to keep up on what it means to […]
The Fourth is the Same but Not
Today is the 4th of July but my celebrations for this holiday were yesterday. This is our 2nd Fourth of July without Tony, but we haven’t changed any of our traditions that he and I built. Every year my best friend and her family drive in from St. Louis to fill my home. We setup […]
Spontaneous Travel
One of the many ways in which I am different since Tony’s death is my ability and desire to be spontaneous, especially when it comes to travel. This last weekend I went back to the lake for a weekend away. Once again, there were 5 families and comprised of 12 kids and 8 adults. We’ve […]