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Signs from a Stocking

Posted on: December 5, 2022 | Posted by: Emily Vielhauer

We are coming into the thick of the holiday season now. I’ve already been to 1 holiday party, and I have 2 more scheduled this week and the following. It feels a little excessive this year but I’m rolling with it for now.

Our dreaded Elf on the Shelf is back, but the older boys are enjoying moving him around this year. We only have one believer left in the house and this could very well be his last year. I am trying to keep that in mind when I feel weighed down by all the festivities. My kids have had their fair share of grief so, if they want all the merry by golly, I’m going to do my best.

We started decorating the house for Christmas already. Like many families, I’m never quite sure what to do with Tony’s stocking. I always ask the kids what they think for these kinds of decisions. Their opinion is as important as mine, but we haven’t had a chance to really discuss what we want to do this year. Therefore, I hung it up with the intention to talk to them later.

Last year, we decided to hang it up. As Christmas approached, I told the boys they could place a note in there for Dad if they felt like it. Only my middle kiddo wrote one and heartbreaking is the only word I need to describe it.

As we took down the decorations last year, I left the note inside the stocking. So, it was there waiting for me this year as I put the stockings up.

Our stockings hang on command strips that I installed I don’t know how many years ago.

A few days ago, the tacky on Tony’s hook failed. We came downstairs to find only Tony’s stocking and hook on the floor. Everyone else’s is still hanging and intact.

Coincidence? Maybe.

Sign from Tony? Maybe.

I’m a believer in anything is possible. So just a bunch of maybes all around.

 

For now, I decided to share my hook with him. Our stockings can hang together for as long as my hook will hold or until the kids and I decided to pack his stocking away. They can continue to write him love letters or draw him pictures if they want to. We can even change our mind every year on what to do with his stocking. No matter what we do with it, he’s always in on our minds and in our hearts this season. His death pulled some of the sparkle out of Christmas, but I do my best to kindle what remains. 

Categories: Widowed, Widowed Parenting, Widowed Holidays, Widowed Signs from Loved One

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 42 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 8 and 13. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.

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