Four years later, it is time to focus on the life I have, not the life that was supposed to be.  But, this is much easier said than done.  I don’t know much for certain, but I can say, I’m not as lost without him anymore.  I don’t know why or how, but I am able to live without Mike with more ease now.  I have finally accepted that Mike died and he is never returning.

I originally wrote parts the original blog, “Marry Me”, two years ago; and the good news is that my grief has changed since then.  Sure, I still imagine our life in my head, but I do it in a less “desperate”  way.  I’m less frantic now.   I’m more at peace, thankfully.

I know and understand that the life I shared with Mike is over.  I accept the finality of it.  I never thought I would, but I finally have accepted his death.  I now can accept his death in my head AND in my heart. Wow.  That’s the first time I’ve ever admitted this in writing.  It’s taken me, nearly four years but I’m finding my way back to life again.