It’s Halloween again. I used to mark my year’s passing by holidays and life events. Now that Clayton is gone, my year is filled with reminders written in grief across the days, weeks, months and seasons. My year is a grief calendar. It’s been four years since I really did anything. We dress up at […]
Widowed Milestones
Washing the Widowed Window
I clean. I clean the dishes. I clean the laundry. I clean the house – Well sort of. I’ll admit I clean what’s apparent, the obvious and easily seen. Since Clayton passed away, I’ve been busy with a full time job, a side business and just figuring out life. They say that grief triggers hit […]
From Devastation…to this…
I’m leaving tomorrow for my first road trip in over a year. Since settling into AZ to make a documentary about my Odyssey of Love a year ago, in fact. I only decided to do this a few days ago, but I was immediately excited, just contemplating being back out on the road. This adventure […]
Widowed and Newly Married
Well, it happened! This past week, Mike and I went to the courthouse and stood with a judge, said our vows, and got married. It wasn’t the big wedding with all our friends and family like we imagined. Instead of a wedding dress and tux, it was matching t-shirts and jeans, and “Just Married” face […]
Milestones and Rememberances
I think it’s important to share not just the parts of my life that are affected by being widowed, but also the parts that are affected by having lost my mother as a child, and also my father in my late 20’s, because I know your children will live through milestones of their own like this.
The Double Life of a Widow~
I’m not qualifiably bipolar, but I swear I feel like I’m two people living distinctly different lives. If left on my own, supposing I had the money to do so, I’d park my rig, PinkMagic, on a beach somewhere, far away from everyone, and have as little interaction with the world as possible. I’d read […]
I Don’t Think I Could Stay
Talking to someone who has lost a loved one isn’t the easiest situation. Many people get anxious, some shut down, some unintentionally say the wrong thing. I try to remember that they are hoping to meet me in a space of support by saying something and when that something comes out wrong (which it inevitably […]
Apologies
I am writing this not just because I have not written for a few weeks. I am also writing it as a sort of apology.These last few weeks have been extremely challenging for me. As a solo parent, entrepreneur and widower, sometimes I feel like my “lives” clash, and managing them is messy… In general, I am doing reasonably well. In my business, I launched a program designed to help men (widowers especially) rediscover their purpose in life (post loss).
Future Gifts
People will often ask how I’m able to keep going after such difficulties losing my father and than my partner within 10 months of each other. Well here is the secret… I just keep trying. Yup that’s it. I keep trying. That is the magical answer I have for you. Some days are fantastic and […]
The Rebranding of a Life…
Life is for the living.
Mike had his life.
And, now I need to focus on mine.
Only he died in 2016.
It would be a tragedy if I buried myself too.
Beginnings and Endings
I can’t deny that really, since Drew died, life has just never gotten back to being “easy” or “effortless” in the way it was back before he died. Of course, I don’t ever remember anyone saying that life gets easier as you get older. Doesn’t seem like the way it ever goes… just that we get better at handling things over time. That doesn’t mean it isn’t just as beautiful when life is challenging, because it sure as hell is. It just isn’t as simple.
Do You Know or Do You Believe?
We fall into our patterns and the longer we are in them the tighter they stick. It’s not necessarily a bad thing. Peppered into our day are all sorts of habits. It’s the repetition that provides us comfort. We say good night and close our eyes until the next day when the sun returns. The […]