Recently I had the urge to make updates around the house. However, I lost my favorite handyman when I lost Tony. (Spoiler alert, it was him.) Hiring someone to do the work is intimidating. It’s more expensive than I’m used to since we used to just pay for the materials and he would do 95% […]
Widowed Memories
Early Firsts
I recently wrote about the many “firsts” I have experienced in life that happened with Lynn. It made me think about the “firsts” after Lynn, and the mixed feelings that often accompany these “first” experiences. There are the firsts that are more about grieving the lack / loss of Lynn’s presence. I remember the first […]
Walking Through the Mist of Time
I was reading Tuesday’s edition of the New York Times and came across an article entitled, “Lingering Moose Shuts Down Popular Adirondack Trail for a Month,” see https://www.nytimes.com/2025/07/15/nyregion/moose-goodman-mountain-trail.html (7-15-25). Among other bits of information, the article pointed out, “Awesome to behold in the wild, moose are the largest members of the deer family and are […]
Standing Between Milestones
I’m Still Here The yearly calendar continues its dance. Just passed July 4th wedding anniversary and just ahead, in August, Dan’s birthday (tho not till the 28th). A footpath for grief? Or milestones on the journey? Who can say for sure what any of it means? Poetry says it best. I held my morning […]
July Fourth
I missed my post last week because we took an extended 4th of July weekend. As tradition demands, we spent the early part of the day at my parents’ pool with friends. In the evening, my in-laws hosted their annual firework show. This is how we have tackled the 4th since before Tony died. It’s […]
Past and Present
The summer of 2020 was a weird and unsettling time. We were early in the pandemic and there was just a heavy feeling all around. Mario’s health was really tanking, yet he was still not acknowledging it. We’d gone on a short camping trip about 50 miles to the east. I remember we had a […]
Looking back . . .
. . . it was all fear. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” –C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed An interesting phenomena when looking back to the early days of widowhood is that I see things now that I was unable to see then. Things I may or may not […]
The Power of Holding Her Hand
June was Pride Month AND Filipino Heritage Month, and is always my busiest month as a result. I am greatly involved in organizing many of the activities, as well as participating in those I have no responsibility with (often my favorite times). I couldn’t help but remember the many memories Lynn and I made over […]
The 4th of July
4th of July was arguably Mario’s favorite holiday. It was not his favorite due to any sort of patriotic leanings. It was his favorite because it was a giant party. Years before we lived in an apartment together in Orange County, CA, we would get together with other friends and go to whatever giant rave […]
Five Years
Yesterday marked the fifth anniversary of Lee’s death. Not a day passes, nor many moments, when she is out of mind. My memories of Lee –even the sad ones- are part of her legacy. I sincerely wish this were not the case because, in an alternative universe, Lee would still be healthy, and happily, we […]
Seasons of Change
And just like that, we say goodbye to June and hello to July. What a whirlwind of a month June was. I felt like I was holding on to the bumper of a car moving at 100 miles per hour. It was a month full of milestones, memories, and so so many emotions. Looking back […]
Reminiscing Youth
A friend of mine was going through a box of college memorabilia today. She sent me so many pictures of us from that time in our lives. It’s weird to look back on myself now. That young goofy girl who always has her mouth wide open. She’s ready to be the life of every party. Living […]