Early last week a widow friend texted our widow group chat that was started after Camp Widow San Diego. She had shared with us that she needed to go to the hospital for her daughter. I was driving as I read this text and immediately my heart dropped for her. It took me right back […]
Widowed Emotions
Halloween Decorations
The seasons are changing here in the Midwest and everywhere you look is a plethora of pumpkin spice and Halloween. Houses are decorated with giant spiders, pumpkins, ghosts, skeletons, and tombstones. In my before, I never gave any of this a second thought. Now I find it a little odd people are out there setting […]
Places in Time
Last week, I took a couple days off mid-week and traveled up to a hot springs retreat. The last time I was there was 2019 and I went with Mario. We wanted to go again early 2020, but then the pandemic hit. They managed to weather that storm and re-opened in late summer. We booked […]
An Invitation: Be Water
Be water. Flowing, flexible and soft. a still pond invites insect landings; water responds with ripples (My responses to life can be gentle or fierce) Subtly powerful power lurks—ALIVE—just beneath the surface (Am I in tune with the power within me?) still waters contrast with powerful flash floods wreaking destruction […]
Family Photos Minus One
Last week the kids and I went to Fort Walton Beach for a week of fun and sun. This vacation was one I planned with two other families that we are friends with. In total, we had 5 adults and 10 children. Each family rented their own condo at the complex and we managed to […]
Talking to the dead.
With fall definitely in the air and “spooky season” upon us, I thought it would be a good time to tell you all that I talk to dead people. No, I don’t profess to be a psychic medium (truth be told I’m more of an intuitive empath), but nevertheless, I’ll have a conversation with my […]
Self Compassion
Revisited The poetry in italics are quotes from a blog post entitled Self Compassion written by my earlier widowed self. This post is a clarification and love note to my current widowed self. When words don’t come easily I write in poetry. In May of 2023, I was trying to capture Self Compassion because […]
Where is Daddy?
Each day still takes my breath away a little. Each realization that Erik is no longer here and it truly is just me and the twins now. There is no escaping this reality or pretending it isn’t true any longer. What I didn’t realize was how soon the questions would come. Where is daddy, mama? […]
I Miss Him Out Loud
An old friend of ours called me this week. He calls on occasion to check in on the kids and me. Every time he calls, he asks how the house is and if I need help with anything. I have yet to accept his help or call him when something breaks. But it is nice […]
Loneliness
Gary is out today but this is a post worth re-reading that Gary did in May talking about Loneliness. As a widower, I make the effort to cultivate my friendships and acquaintances. By doing so I hope to avoid the loneliness and disconnection that seems to be pervasive. The unfavorable outcomes of loneliness are […]
Introverts: Stay in the Work
I get overwhelmed easily with “too many” of anything. Too many choices, too many words at first glance, too many ways to find my way to peace and healing. I have to back away. Take a beat. If I understood myself as an introvert earlier in my life, it is likely I could have avoided […]
Living with Triggers
After going through such a traumatic loss having anxiety and being scared or jumpy all seemed to be part of the package. A year and a half in those feelings are still there. They might not be as intense as they were a couple of months after Erik’s passing, but they continue to just lie […]