Finding Balance Along the Path of Grief Is it just me? Or does widowhood feel like school sometimes? Autodidactic daily learning? Today my self-led course is about balancing care for others with care for myself. Not a new course, but one of many lessons that keeps returning until I (quote) get it right? Not sure. […]
Widowed Emotions
If I Could Tell You One More Thing
It’s been 2,266,454 minutes since you left. In 31,784 minutes, it will be your birthday. I’m curious . . . if I could tell you just one more thing, in person, what would I choose to say? I’d love to look into your eyes again and lean in close. I’d love to see […]
Ocean Beckons
With Deep Medicine During Dan’s illness and throughout his last days on earth, the ocean brought me comfort. Words fail to capture how much it helped me, but it was something about the immensity of the sea. Boundless immensity. Unfathomable depths. Powerful enough to kill and mysteriously gentle. Home to millions of sea creatures within […]
More Than Just Stuff
A few weeks ago, I wrote about a friendship that was falling apart. It escalated to the point that I have been unfriended on social media, and I am met with silence in public settings. Then I realized they had something of ours. I spent a lot of mental energy trying to figure out how […]
Summer of Daddy
Lately, the twins have been mentioning Daddy more often than usual. It started with Wyatt wanting to look at picture books of him each night for their bedtime story. Then, during nap time the other day, Charlotte was mumbling ‘daddy, daddy’ in her sleep and woke up crying. And lately, they have been singing the […]
Letting Go
Again My son surprised me when he seemed surprised himself when I said “I’m giving away Dad’s chair.” His face witnessed to his inner reaction. It was unexpected his desire to hold on to the recliner. It’s been four and a half years and I thought if one of the kids wanted it […]
Redesigning Home
Recently I had the urge to make updates around the house. However, I lost my favorite handyman when I lost Tony. (Spoiler alert, it was him.) Hiring someone to do the work is intimidating. It’s more expensive than I’m used to since we used to just pay for the materials and he would do 95% […]
Standing Between Milestones
I’m Still Here The yearly calendar continues its dance. Just passed July 4th wedding anniversary and just ahead, in August, Dan’s birthday (tho not till the 28th). A footpath for grief? Or milestones on the journey? Who can say for sure what any of it means? Poetry says it best. I held my morning […]
July Fourth
I missed my post last week because we took an extended 4th of July weekend. As tradition demands, we spent the early part of the day at my parents’ pool with friends. In the evening, my in-laws hosted their annual firework show. This is how we have tackled the 4th since before Tony died. It’s […]
Past and Present
The summer of 2020 was a weird and unsettling time. We were early in the pandemic and there was just a heavy feeling all around. Mario’s health was really tanking, yet he was still not acknowledging it. We’d gone on a short camping trip about 50 miles to the east. I remember we had a […]
Looking back . . .
. . . it was all fear. “No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.” –C.S. Lewis, A Grief Observed An interesting phenomena when looking back to the early days of widowhood is that I see things now that I was unable to see then. Things I may or may not […]
Coping with “Ruff Moments”
I hope everyone is enjoying a safe and sound holiday weekend during the Fourth of July celebrations that are inevitably ocurring in all corners of the United States. I like to think of the First of July as a good time to declare Happy Half Year and take a moment to process the first portion […]