To Things Previously Unseen FILM AS MEDICINE I discovered something new… when watching a favorite film recently. Its title is perfect—The Meddler, with Susan Sarandon—but the first time I watched it, I didn’t agree. The film opens directly into loneliness. Marnie, the protagonist, lies in her bed staring at the ceiling fan. A feeling hangs […]
Widowed Emotions
Pausing in the Badlands
A Day in the Life of a BadA** Widow Tiny pause in the series for a Badass widow story. Long story, but I found out I can leave two bags of refuse each day at the dump! I went! A kind soul at the landfill office window gave me the required orange vest to […]
Faded Marks
You know those restaurants that give you sharpies to write on the walls? So, you are encouraged to leave your mark on the establishment. We have one of those places close by. For awhile it was a staple breakfast spot for our family. It was a place that Tony loved. The food was over the […]
The Premise of a Protected Sharing Space
The Container Part 2 of a series focusing on the benefits of a protected deep listening experience. It’s interesting which memories last the test of time in my brain. They are most often “stories” whose meanings remain current years later. This one lives in me from nearly 50 years ago. The concept of safe […]
September
September is Suicide Prevention Month, and the 10th, is World Suicide Prevention Day. Over the years my attitude towards these attempts to bring awareness has evolved. In a lot of ways, it has transformed with my grief. The first year, it made me angry. Prevention? Seriously? How could I have prevented something he kept hidden […]
The Power of Listening
on our path toward healing Part 1 of a series focusing on the benefits of a protected deep listening experience. What is non-judgmental listening? It’s an integral piece of creating an authentic community where everyone feels seen and heard. A safe place to grow. The gift of non-judgmental listening, within a safe space, changed my […]
Curiosity of 5 Year Olds
“Are you going to die, Mama?” Those words cut through me like a knife as my entire body went motionless. I looked at that sweet face that was looking back at me, not realizing the impact her question had on me. My mind blanked for a second, not knowing how to answer back, and then […]
An Insightful Gift
Last weekend I got to spend time with one of Tony’s best guy friends. He was the best man at our wedding level bestie and someone we have both been friends with since high school. We don’t get to see each other often because life is busy when you each have 3 kids at home. […]
I Saw You There
happy birthday, my love! your 75th year took me back to when we were first wed and your dad being 50 seemed so old! i teased him calling him “half-a-century” old and he reciprocated when I turned 25 by calling me a “quarter-century” old :)) writing this story reminds me of my luck […]
Labor Daze
The other day, I felt a little off. Every hour seemed to bring a different emotional obstacle. Usually when this happens, I stop and think about the time of year and the subliminal moodiness it might bring. Weekends are often challenging for those who’ve experienced widowhood, no matter how long ago, and one’s current situation, […]
Widowhood Lessons
From a Labrador Retriever Awakened by my pet at 3:00am, I moan…. “Indy. . .” “Seriously?” A refrain I speak to my pet and my widowed life regularly. On par with life, her wee-hour pee evolves, occasionally, into something more complicated if a possum, racoon, or other nighttime critter makes an appearance. This […]
“I want to give your kids the world.”
A repost! As the twins’ birthday trip nears I have found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. More so than normal. Any time I’m getting ready for a trip I find myself thinking of Erik more often than I already do. So why do I continue to do it? Because traveling also makes me […]