Widow's Voice

Friendship is an Honor

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Saturday, I had the pleasure of catching up with two of my friends from college. One friend lives locally but we don’t see each other nearly often as we should. My other friend lives in a coastal city out east. I hadn’t seen her in 3 years, but they hadn’t seen each other in 10 years.

Photo by Yulia Divid on Unsplash

All three of us had family obligations this weekend but we found a way to carve out a few hours to catch up over breakfast. We almost cried getting those first hugs in after so long apart. However, once we settled into our seats, we also settled into catching up as if no time had passed at all.

I find myself reflecting again how special those college bonds are.  In four short years, we built ourselves into the framework of the women we are today. Our friendships became family away from home. These women have seen me grow into an extrovert, dance on bars, settle into marriage and babies, and everything that comes with adulting.

They have also been there for me in their own ways as I’ve navigated becoming a widow. In the days after Tony’s passing, one of them brought me new sheets for my bed. At the time, it felt like a weird gift. When I was ready to redo our bedroom and recreate that space for just me, I was so thankful to have a fresh set. Plus, they are fabulous and my favorite set. My out-of-town friend opened her city and home to me 3 years ago. That’s when I was using traveling as a serious form of coping. I still can’t believe she let the kids, and I crash her house for a long weekend right before her oldest moved away to college. She has always given me the space to grieve in my own way, without judgement.

At breakfast, we were sharing the stories of our lives today. Skipping past plenty of details over the last 10 years but focusing on what’s important in our lives right now. At one point, one of my friends looked at me and said: “Emily, it is an honor and a privilege to be your friend.” Cue instant water works. That must be one of the kindest things anyone has ever said to me.

And the sentiment is mutual. Later in the day, we were texting to share the pic we took and ‘so good to catch up’ messages. That’s when I had the chance to thank them for allowing me the honor and privilege of being their friend too.

Photo by Alex Sheldon on Unsplash

Life is a finite resource, and those kinds of bonds are an honor to hold and cherish.

 

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 45 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 11 and 15. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.