In two weeks it will be three years since you took your last breath. So much has changed since you’ve been gone, yet sometimes it feels as if it was still just yesterday. I still very much feel as if I’m in survival mode. Each day I put on a brave face for the twins […]
Widowed by Suicide
Slideshow Selections
This is my last year having a kid in elementary school. Preparations have already begun for the year end celebration at the school. Our school hosts what they call the Fifth Grade Farewell. It’s a day of fun games and activities for the kids. At the end of the day, the kids, their teachers, and […]
The Dark Day
A repost as we head into March! As we have now entered the dark month I find myself significantly more anxious during my days, more than I have been for a while. I feel like I have been trying so hard to not live in the days of 2022 leading to that dark day. It […]
What is in the Fridge
Last week I ordered a new refrigerator to replace the one Tony, and I purchased when our oldest was a toddler. It’s just an appliance, but that fridge has moved with us and been in my kitchen for about 14 years. Over the weekend I cleaned behind and under the old one. I found reminders […]
Application to Milestones
Here we are at yet another milestone, which I find myself doing alone. I have been in full-on preparation mode for the last two weeks as I get ready for the twins’ kindergarten open enrollment. Even though I had spent some time prepping and doing research last year, it didn’t hit me as hard as […]
Valentine Kindness
This was my fourth Valentine’s Day without a Valentine. It was never a huge holiday for us but that doesn’t mean it’s not a reminder of grief. Seeing the advertisements still remind you that your partner is gone, even if you would never buy them whatever it is they are selling. It’s another small way […]
Haircuts and Control
The last few weeks I have been feeling anxious on a broad scale. We all know there is a limit to what we can control. The death of a loved one is a sharp reminder of that fact. To combat my anxiety, I have been taking steps to put my house in order. Doing what […]
Sea of Serendipity
A repost! Whew! It has been a hectic few weeks. I feel like I’m always in survival go-go-go mode where I’m just going through the motions of doing things without really being fully present in what I’m doing. I guess it comes with the territory of being a solo parent. Lately, I’ve been trying to […]
Lunar New Year Eve Reflections
As I sit here finishing my preparations for the Lunar New Year tomorrow I can’t help but look back on this past year. Lunar New Year has always been one of the most important holidays to our family next to Christmas and 4th of July. It was one that I welcomed Erik to be a […]
Simple Pleasures
Everyone is ready for January to be over. There are jokes online about how this month feels never ending. Record cold and snow for some of us, and devasting fires for others. It has not been a great month. However, I’m not ready to roll out the red carpet for February either. Halfway through that […]
The Solo Road
This past week I had the privilege of attending one of my best friend’s wedding. Although I had anticipated the feelings that would accompany going to another wedding without Erik, I wasn’t quite prepared for what I felt those five days. As always, leaving the twins is always hard. The anxiety set in as I […]
Where Is Dad
Each year since Tony died, I have taken the kids on a vacation the week between Christmas and New Years. We’ve been to Disney World, Jamaica, Mexico, and this year I took the boys on their first ever cruise. I find myself counting these vacations to remember how many holidays he’s missed. Traveling over the […]