Today is Christmas Eve Eve. As a solo parent, who is prone to overprogramming there is so much to do with so little time. I found myself trying to do it all today. I wrapped up work for the holidays, grabbed last minute stocking candy, cleaned the house, cooked dinner, packed the kids for Christmas, […]
Widowed by Suicide
Even Santa Can’t Do This
It has been a whirlwind of a season. When the holidays came around this year I told myself I would focus more on being present for the twins than worrying about to-do lists. I told myself I would focus on letting myself feel the grief I needed to during this time rather than pushing it […]
So many holiday feels…
Here we are yet again. Knee-deep already in another holiday season. This one has been a little different than last. The twins are another year older and understanding more. The excitement and joy of the season for them is just as much, if not more this year. I find myself battling internally with trying to […]
Gearing Up for Christmas
I blinked and Thanksgiving was ages ago, and we are in the thick of Christmas. We’ve decorated the inside of the house, but I’ve made a few changes this year. It’s been so cold; I haven’t put up any outdoor decorations. At this point, I don’t think I will at all. I also didn’t put […]
Sparkly Grief
It’s that time of year yet again. I feel conflicted yet I am trying so hard not to take away from the magic of this season for the twins. The holiday season this year seemed to creep up on me. I was so focused on getting ready for our trip in October that by the […]
Chiefs Love
This year I’ve been gifting the kids experiences for their birthdays instead of traditional presents. Friday, my youngest cashed in on his gift and I took him to his first ever NFL game. We spent our Black Friday tailgating and watching the Kansas City Chiefs take on the Las Vegas Raiders instead of shopping. Tony […]
Daddy is Dead.
Last night was really tough. The twins and I were in our after-school routine, as we were most weekdays. I started the bath as usual and put one twin in after the next. As I began to wash Charlotte’s hair, Wyatt said to me, “I really really really want Daddy, Mommy. He’s taking foreverrrrrr to […]
Thanksgiving Sentiments
It’s Thanksgiving week in the US, and we are bombarded with messaging telling us how to feel. Well wishes telling us to be thankful, or to gather and enjoy each other. The first year, I was annoyed and angry. I wanted to scream when faced with messages of gratefulness. Do not tell me to be […]
If Only.
As I was driving the twins home from school on Friday something hit me. Just out of the blue, I started to full on cry. The kind of crying that I couldn’t do silently. The kind I couldn’t hide. The kind where I felt it deep down in the pit of my stomach. I tried […]
Signs From Nashville
Last weekend I went to Nashville for a belated birthday trip. One of my best friends from college and I flew in to meet there. The trip was for us, but I knew it would bear reminders of Tony at every turn. I enjoy some country music and prefer the 90’s era from my high […]
Birthday Grief
Each year Tony’s birthday seems to hit me differently. Some people say the first year after losing someone is a fog. I think it only looks that way in hindsight. The first year is an onslaught of pain; around every corner is a reminder, each turn of the calendar is a new first without. Looking […]
Well, my Daddy is Dead.
A repost! Greetings from Europe…join me next week to read about some of my adventures traveling with the twins for the last two weeks! Yesterday Charlotte took me by surprise. As we were getting ready for a birthday party I had said something to her about pooping and out of nowhere and just randomly she […]