I found myself lying wide awake at 10:49 the Monday night before my birthday wishing that midnight just wouldn’t come. And that if it did, that my birthday wish would come true. That when that clock struck 12, I would find myself back in 2022 before what would become the worst day of our lives. […]
Widowed by Suicide
August Slipped Away
A repost! Join me next week to read about this year’s birthday. August has always been such a busy month in our lives. Our entire family’s birthdays. Summer plans, parties, trips…memories. This past month, mostly these past two weeks have been more of a rollercoaster than I remember last year being. This was the first […]
My Fourth Camp Widow
It’s been over a month since I was in San Diego for Camp Widow. Somehow in the whirlwind of the last five weeks I haven’t written much about that experience. This was my fourth camp, but it had a different feel to it for me for a few reasons. A few of my staple Camp […]
Frozen in Age
Earlier this week a few of my cousins had texted me about my birthday plans. I had completely forgotten that my birthday was coming up. I had been so focused on the twins and Erik’s birthday that I had forgotten that mine was the same month. Since Erik’s passing, I haven’t really been into celebrating […]
Community Grief
Content Warning: Child loss and suicide Today my heart broke. A family in my community lost their high school aged son to suicide. Details were sparse, but I knew a boy had died and he was about the same age as one of my sons. I sat with the knowledge quietly, as my head […]
Birthday Blues
The twins and Erik’s birthday was this past weekend. Yes, all three of them have the exact same birthday. Leading up to this weekend has always been hard for me since Erik’s passing. I wanted so badly to be happy because it was my babies’ birthday, but trying to balance that of deep sadness that […]
Staying Busy
The last few years I’ve kept us extremely busy. Hey, at least I’m self-aware! Some of it is the stage of life I’m in with the kids. During the school year, the weekends and evenings are filled with homework, sports, and the various social functions that come with parenting school aged children. There are some […]
Well, my Daddy is Dead.
Yesterday Charlotte took me by surprise. As we were getting ready for a birthday party I had said something to her about pooping and out of nowhere and just randomly she responds to me by saying, “Well, my daddy is dead”. It stopped me right in my tracks. First, anytime I hear Daddy in our […]
Never Alone
I remember my first Camp Widow like it was yesterday. It was around 8 months after Erik had passed. I was sitting on the same couch that I couldn’t seem to move from and had this overwhelming feeling that I was all alone. There wasn’t anyone in my circle that was a widow and at […]
How Are You Doing?
A repost! Join me next week to read all about Camp Widow San Diego 2024! This past weekend someone had asked me how I was doing. This question is one of those common questions you get in conversations and is usually followed by just a casual response of either ‘I’m good’ or ‘I’m fine’ and […]
Insignificant, Yet Significant
There are just some things that I can’t seem to part with. For the past three weeks, I have been trying to get rid of a set of bath towels that the twins have been using. It has definitely seen some better days. For some reason, I just can’t seem to say goodbye to something […]
Four Words
It’s time for me to prep for Camp Widow in San Diego this week. There are lots of tasks to get myself ready to be away from home for almost 5 days. Packing myself, scheduling the kids with grandparents, lining out their schedules, the list goes on. Last week, I received a survey from Soaring […]