It feels like it has been nonstop since summer began. I’m finally starting to catch my breath now that school has started again. The start of school always seems to be emotional for most parents. And I am one of those. Yet it always feels more than just emotions for me. The start of each […]
Widowed by Suicide
The Loss
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. This day brings a range of emotions to the forefront. Wishing that I had seen something sooner. Wishing I could have prevented what happened with Erik. Wishing I’ll be able to find the right words to explain what happened to our kids. There’s so much stigma around suicide loss. […]
Suicide Narrative
September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there are more than 700,000 deaths by suicide every year. The WHO’s theme this year is “Changing the Narrative on Suicide.” I’d like to take you through a different approach than they probably intended but one that is important to me. […]
Forever 32
I found myself lying wide awake at 10:49 the Monday night before my birthday wishing that midnight just wouldn’t come. And that if it did, that my birthday wish would come true. That when that clock struck 12, I would find myself back in 2022 before what would become the worst day of our lives. […]
August Slipped Away
A repost! Join me next week to read about this year’s birthday. August has always been such a busy month in our lives. Our entire family’s birthdays. Summer plans, parties, trips…memories. This past month, mostly these past two weeks have been more of a rollercoaster than I remember last year being. This was the first […]
My Fourth Camp Widow
It’s been over a month since I was in San Diego for Camp Widow. Somehow in the whirlwind of the last five weeks I haven’t written much about that experience. This was my fourth camp, but it had a different feel to it for me for a few reasons. A few of my staple Camp […]
Frozen in Age
Earlier this week a few of my cousins had texted me about my birthday plans. I had completely forgotten that my birthday was coming up. I had been so focused on the twins and Erik’s birthday that I had forgotten that mine was the same month. Since Erik’s passing, I haven’t really been into celebrating […]
Community Grief
Content Warning: Child loss and suicide Today my heart broke. A family in my community lost their high school aged son to suicide. Details were sparse, but I knew a boy had died and he was about the same age as one of my sons. I sat with the knowledge quietly, as my head […]
Birthday Blues
The twins and Erik’s birthday was this past weekend. Yes, all three of them have the exact same birthday. Leading up to this weekend has always been hard for me since Erik’s passing. I wanted so badly to be happy because it was my babies’ birthday, but trying to balance that of deep sadness that […]
Staying Busy
The last few years I’ve kept us extremely busy. Hey, at least I’m self-aware! Some of it is the stage of life I’m in with the kids. During the school year, the weekends and evenings are filled with homework, sports, and the various social functions that come with parenting school aged children. There are some […]
Well, my Daddy is Dead.
Yesterday Charlotte took me by surprise. As we were getting ready for a birthday party I had said something to her about pooping and out of nowhere and just randomly she responds to me by saying, “Well, my daddy is dead”. It stopped me right in my tracks. First, anytime I hear Daddy in our […]
Never Alone
I remember my first Camp Widow like it was yesterday. It was around 8 months after Erik had passed. I was sitting on the same couch that I couldn’t seem to move from and had this overwhelming feeling that I was all alone. There wasn’t anyone in my circle that was a widow and at […]