Widow's Voice

My Fourth Camp Widow

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It’s been over a month since I was in San Diego for Camp Widow. Somehow in the whirlwind of the last five weeks I haven’t written much about that experience. This was my fourth camp, but it had a different feel to it for me for a few reasons.

A few of my staple Camp Widow friends couldn’t attend. I found myself missing their presence and our connection. Some of these friends have been at every Camp I have attended, so to not have them present was a bummer.

There was also an air of finality to Camp. I felt like a senior finishing her final, knowing this was the last weekend long event in San Diego. Even if I never come back to the Marriott in San Diego, it will always hold a special place in my heart. The amount of growth, support, and friendship it has provided me is immeasurable. It’s hard to say goodbye to something that has given me so much.

That doesn’t mean I’ll never attend another Camp Widow event or see the friends I’ve made either. It just means the next time either of those things happen, it’ll be on a different turf.

So, at Camp Widow I continued to foster the friendships I’ve been building over the last three and a half years. My first evening was dedicated to my small original crew, minus one. On one hand, I feel bad leaving any of my new friends out but being able to catch up over a small intimate dinner is also magical. The next two days and nights were spent with a larger group of widows I met the year prior. We attended sessions, sat poolside, went out to a fancy dinner and danced until I couldn’t walk in my heels.

It’s hard to believe how much laughter and light Camp Widow San Diego has brought to my life. I am so grateful that I had to support to go and stumbled into the most amazing people along the way. The journey would be harder without you, and we all know it’s hard enough already.

I bid San Diego farewell as they make room for Camp Widow to hit the road. Just as I did, I hope those that come after me find what they need. Everyone deserves a breath of fresh air in their widowhood journey.

About Emily Vielhauer

My name is Emily Vielhauer, I am 44 years old and have 3 knuckleheaded sons who are between the ages of 9 and 14. My husband, Tony, and I were married for 14 years and despite how things ended we built something great together.

April 19th, 2021 was the last day of my ‘before’ story. The day before I became a widow, before I was a solo parent to 3 boys, before I knew my love was suffering in silence, before suicide rocked my world, before I had to break the hearts of my children and all our friends and family, before I planned a funeral and delivered a eulogy, before I knew the true depths of my love for Tony and the way that love would be expressed through grief, so many befores.

My hope for this blog is to take you along with me as I navigate my life in the ‘after’ and that my words help someone else out there, whether they empower you or just let you know that you’re not alone out there.