Content Warning: Child loss and suicide
Today my heart broke.
A family in my community lost their high school aged son to suicide.
Details were sparse, but I knew a boy had died and he was about the same age as one of my sons. I sat with the knowledge quietly, as my head buzzed loudly. Not wanting to spread rumors, I held off on texting my son until I knew the students were getting wind of the information.
As I took in the news, I cried for the boy, his family, the community, my son, myself, and my husband. A friend arrived without any shoes to give me a hug and another arrived in her pajamas. We didn’t know who had passed, but they knew the feelings this would bring to the surface for my family.
Eventually, I was able to text my son and check in on him. He said he was okay, and I resisted the urge to pull him from school. I reiterated if that changed to let me know.
I spent my day worried for my son. While he said he was fine, I know the emotions this stirred in me. No matter what he says outwardly, I would be naïve to think this hasn’t had any impact on him at all. I counted down the hours until he walked through the door, and I could look him in the eye and give him a hug.
I also spent the better part of the day grieving for an unnamed boy.
His name matters but not in the ‘look at the tragedy’ sort of way. I did not need his name to ache for the loss of him, to hold his family and friends in my heart. If we had been close with the parents, then I would have been notified sooner. I did not need his identity to have his death break my heart today.
That is what I’ve learned post my own tragedy. We do not need every detail to grieve the loss of another. It doesn’t matter what, why, or how; none of that changes the result. A family lost a son and a brother today, and that is where I am sending my love tonight.
