Reminiscing is a blessing and a curse. The number of people who will ever know Tony is finite and that number will never be larger than it is today. I enjoy recounting stories with those who knew him well because we are usually sharing the memory. Even when I’m given the space, it’s harder to […]
Widowed by Suicide
“I want to give your kids the world.”
As the twins’ birthday trip nears I have found myself caught in a whirlwind of emotions. More so than normal. Any time I’m getting ready for a trip I find myself thinking of Erik more often than I already do. So why do I continue to do it? Because traveling also makes me feel closest […]
Future Inquiries
“Are we going to get a stepdad?” my then 7-year-old asked me. It had been less than one month since Tony died. Like all deep questions posed by children, this one was at bedtime. It was a question for which I was unprepared. I do remember stumbling through an answer. If my widow memory is […]
Bookmarked
The last few weekends have been so busy for us. Part of it has been trying to fit in all our fall traditions before we leave for the twins yearly birthday trip and the other part was trying to keep up with our daily lives. As the start of the ‘ber months began it just […]
Sick and Solo
It was bound to happen. For four years I have managed to avoid contracting Covid, but that changed last week. When Tony first passed in 2021, I worried about it a lot. How would I manage taking care of the boys while taking care of myself? Where would it be best to quarantine? Could someone […]
The Impossible Question
Lately, I’ve been really struggling with figuring out an answer to “the question”. The question that I keep dreading in the back of my head each day. The question that the twins keep asking more and more of as the days go by. What happened to Daddy? As they get older I feel the anxiety […]
Time
Welp. I wrote this last week and must have forgotten to hit the publish button. Goodness me. So here it is, a week late. In her book, The Happiness Project, Gretchen Rubin writes, “The days are long, but the years are short.” I haven’t read her book, so I don’t know the full context in […]
As the Seasons Change
A repost as we get into the holiday season! The reality of the seasons changing is hitting me a little differently this year. This past week we took our family photos for the upcoming season and it was the first true holiday photo session I had joined in with the twins since Erik’s passing. It […]
Tackling Football
My youngest son was in first grade when his dad passed. In second grade, he started playing flag football. Football quickly became one of his favorite sports. When he was in third grade, he stayed at practice late one evening dreaming up new plays with his coach. I remember him coming home that night and […]
Bells Ring Again
It feels like it has been nonstop since summer began. I’m finally starting to catch my breath now that school has started again. The start of school always seems to be emotional for most parents. And I am one of those. Yet it always feels more than just emotions for me. The start of each […]
The Loss
Today is World Suicide Prevention Day. This day brings a range of emotions to the forefront. Wishing that I had seen something sooner. Wishing I could have prevented what happened with Erik. Wishing I’ll be able to find the right words to explain what happened to our kids. There’s so much stigma around suicide loss. […]
Suicide Narrative
September 10th is World Suicide Prevention Day. According to the World Health Organization (WHO), there are more than 700,000 deaths by suicide every year. The WHO’s theme this year is “Changing the Narrative on Suicide.” I’d like to take you through a different approach than they probably intended but one that is important to me. […]