The last few weeks I have been feeling anxious on a broad scale. We all know there is a limit to what we can control. The death of a loved one is a sharp reminder of that fact. To combat my anxiety, I have been taking steps to put my house in order. Doing what I can to have a sense of control over my life.
At the same time, I’ve been getting the itch to cut my hair. Not just a quick trim but a full-on style changing new hairdo.
I don’t think that’s a coincidence. When life feels out of control, at least I can decide what to do with my hair.
I went back through old photos trying to remember the last time I cut it short. The last time I changed hairstyles, Tony was alive. A friend of ours happened to be getting her hair done at the same time. She started texting Tony, teasing him that I had gone SHORT. We tried to get a rise out of him, but he didn’t care what my hair looked like.
That was the summer of 2020. We had survived the initial quarantine and lifestyle changes that came with it. We still didn’t know what the fall school year would bring. I was stressed about us making that decision for our family. When I decided to cut my hair, it felt like a whim.
Honestly, I’m surprised I didn’t make a drastic hair change when Tony passed. But that was probably a decision I couldn’t even fathom making at the time. Or I intrinsically knew I would need ponytails and messy buns in grief.
My next hair appointment is next week, so I still have some time to volley this idea around in my head.
Do you have something similar that you choose to control when life feels out of control?
