It’s habit with many in the widowed community to talk to their dead people. To write to them on the regular. I admire this. I really do. I’m envious, honestly. In these 7 years since Chuck’s death I haven’t been able to write to him, or talk to him. There’s just a block of some […]
Widowed by Illness
Crumpling Face Like No Other
Images of Geraldine Chaplin taken from “The Crown” on Netflix I continue to watch “The Crown”, at the rate of one or two episodes a week. I started in January and perhaps I will have finished all four series by the end of April if curfews stay in place. Every so often after an episode […]
Grief Gifts
One month away from the third anniversary of Clayton’s passing and some moments it feels like it was just yesterday. Each year has had its challenges and this year I’ve lost our cat Stallone. I’ve written before that it’s the build up to certain dates that’s worse then the actual days themselves. Each season has […]
Where You Are~
In the sunsets, at the end of days…. I look for you. I don’t know if I feel you where I am or where I’m not. But I hope you are. There. Or there. I know you loved what I now see with only my eyes and perhaps, for that reason alone, if nothing else… […]
Daily Reflections on Love – part one
Image by Engin Akyurt on Unsplash I have a daily gratitude writing practice that started at the beginning of 2020. Megan had given me a gratitude diary for Christmas in which it was suggested you write five things that you had to look forward to that day, then one thing at the end of the […]
The Escape Room
Part of my widowed journey is getting the opportunity to get away from home. Staying in the apartment that Clayton and I both lived has its benefits and its challenges. He hung up the art and organized the furniture. Everything here holds whispers of his style and view of interior design. I’m coming up on […]
My Newest Math~
I’m a bit of a fan (hugely so) of the Outlander books by Diana Gabaldon, as some of you know. The show and books absorbed me immediately, taking me back to my Scottish roots and filling my world with the Love story between the two characters, Jamie and Claire. The character/personality of the Scotsman, Jamie, […]
Why her? Why him? Why now?
Main image by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash Medjool has a precious childhood friend – let’s call him Yves – who is still very much a presence in his life today. To say that Yves is spiritually aware, spiritually curious, even spiritually provocative, would be an understatement. I am not privy to much of their conversations […]
The Dentist is in the Details
For many who are widowed and many who suffer extreme loss and grief, the start back to “normal” is a long and winding road. Even tasks that we consider “everyday automatics” can be pushed aside or delayed. Some days it’s hard to just get out of bed let alone brush your teeth. Each thing you […]
Hard Beliefs to Swallow
One of the myriad books that’s been on my list forever is Gary Zukav’s 1989 book “The Seat of the Soul”. It’s been recommended to me by many people over the years, not least Oprah and Maya Angelou, as well as my “Grief Therapist” Tom Zuba. It finally made it into my Audible library and […]
Safety Behind Locked Doors
Safety. It’s the basis of all our primary needs. Safety, security and stability, when any or all of these are threatened, we go into survival mode. As someone who is widowed, these are in constant fluctuation for me. I have had calm days, stressed days and anxious days. The fear of being unsafe is something […]
Living my Story~
In the end, all we own are our stories. These words were placed on the top of the page of Chuck’s memorial service program. They were echoes of a line from our favorite movie…Australia. Every so often, as I write or speak about our Love story, people have commented oh, you were so lucky! And […]