Does anyone else along this widowed tsunami feel like they were robbed out of something, or out of everything? Does anyone ever feel bitter or angry or resentful of the seemingly easy lives that others get to experience, without any major traumas or sudden shocking deaths to shatter their worlds into a million little pieces? […]
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Deer Tick Manor
Shortly after returning home from my recent road trip, I went grocery shopping. While selecting a few Honey Crisp apples from a bin, I suddenly pictured Lee and me on a warm, fall day at the country orchard near our Indiana getaway where we enjoyed going to shop for seasonal fruits and vegetables. My […]
My Newest Math~
I’m a bit of a fan (hugely so) of the Outlander books by Diana Gabaldon, as some of you know. The show and books absorbed me immediately, taking me back to my Scottish roots and filling my world with the Love story between the two characters, Jamie and Claire. The character/personality of the Scotsman, Jamie, […]
Why her? Why him? Why now?
Main image by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash Medjool has a precious childhood friend – let’s call him Yves – who is still very much a presence in his life today. To say that Yves is spiritually aware, spiritually curious, even spiritually provocative, would be an understatement. I am not privy to much of their conversations […]
Moving…
And, in the familiar setting where my old life played out I was able to grieve for all that I lost. I let my loss seep into my bones as I walked down the familiar streets of our neighbourhood. As I wandered through the aisles of our grocery store I allowed all the sadness his death caused to drip from me. I drove around our town and tears streamed from my eyes, day after day, as I said goodbye to the future we never got to live. It has been an excruciating 4.3 years, but I am better for allowing myself the time to properly say goodbye to my life here. I am now finally at a point in my grief where I can be at peace with the past and I have accepted that the future will not be the one I anticipated living. I can move now. I am done with this place. I have taken what I can from it and now there is nothing left here for me.
Sad Season
It is the beginning of my “sad season”, as I call it. Boris’s birthday is March 10th and the anniversary of his death is April 7th. Things feel a bit different this year since we are still in a pandemic and we’ve been dealing with it for almost a year now. Even though things are […]
The Dentist is in the Details
For many who are widowed and many who suffer extreme loss and grief, the start back to “normal” is a long and winding road. Even tasks that we consider “everyday automatics” can be pushed aside or delayed. Some days it’s hard to just get out of bed let alone brush your teeth. Each thing you […]
Things in my Brain
Today Is Friday, and I actually am remembering to write in here, instead of rushing around last minute the next day or 2 days later, because I forgot again. So thats something I guess. This whole “widow brain” thing has really melted into more of a “getting older brain” thing, as well as a “pandemic […]
Road Trip — Part Two
We escaped the grip of the storm. The only remnant in GA was below normal temperatures. During the day, it felt like early Spring. Nights would drop to the low 30s, but an overall major improvement compared to when we began our road trip. It reminded me of how mid-April feels back home. Instead of […]
Hard Beliefs to Swallow
One of the myriad books that’s been on my list forever is Gary Zukav’s 1989 book “The Seat of the Soul”. It’s been recommended to me by many people over the years, not least Oprah and Maya Angelou, as well as my “Grief Therapist” Tom Zuba. It finally made it into my Audible library and […]
The Dance (remembered)
I wrote this January 29, 2018. Three years later, I stand by a lot of what I wrote. Grief must be felt and attended to. You will be better for “sitting” with your grief. Lean into it – this is the way back to life… ~S. When Grief comes, Take her in your arms and […]
Jealousy & Guilt
Today, I feel jealous…and guilty for feeling that way. I don’t want to be jealous of other people’s lives, but I am. I want to only feel happiness for the people around me who are getting engaged, getting married, having children, or buying a home. But, the truth is, when I hear about it or […]