been sort of dreading this day. have to get madeline a passport for our upcoming trip to the banff.excited that my 3.5 month-old baby will have a passport and will be traveling outside the country. also really excited about the trip, but i’ve found that dealing with government institutions is less than thrilling since liz died. applying for a…
widower
its complicated
spent time with a relatively new friend. a widow with far too much in common. the number 25 shows up so often for both of us that i’ve suggested we both stop using quarters.anyway, she’s in town to take her kids to disneyland and the beach, and i’ve offered up a few of my afternoons to show them around town. today, my friend asked me to…
Rebuilding
My family began battling cancer in 2003 when my mother-in-law was diagnosed with colon cancer. Five years later my wife, who was pregnant with our third child, was diagnosed with stage three breast cancer. Despite a valiant fight, cancer claimed the life of mother-in-law on April 18th and of my wife on July 23rd. I am now raising three girls all…
the perfect single dad?
well, i’ve been talking to my best bud chrissy over at the storked! blog and we’ve spent a lot of time discussing the differences between single moms and single dads, and of course, dating. she wrote a little something interesting over on her page, with a quote from me that many will find controversial… so…she asked for a quote, “i realize…
certificate
spent the evening talking to someone in the same predicament. sometime during the call i felt this incredible guilt,realizing that i had driven past the city where liz’s remains are housed when i drove to/from my cabin the tuesday of my fishing trip. can’t believe i didn’t think about this as i drove past the town. what an asshole. how…
doctor visit
it was time to go to take my perfect child to the doctor. that perfect child started screaming as soon as i put her carseat into the base.tried to give her the pacifier while driving (exceedingly difficult while driving a car with manual transmission). that didn’t work. tried holding her hand. that didn’t work. tried rubbing her cheek.
another 25th
fucking 25th i thought we were going to skip this day? here it is, 25th #3, #3 of a billion yet to come. not awesome.have a shitload of laundry to do after the trip, but it’s been exactly three months since liz died and i can’t stand looking at the washing machine, let alone trying to use it. i don’t remember if i mentioned this before,…
good memories
we headed to the pasadena to have dinner with chandra and derek, who were in town from the bay area. decided on a sushi restaurant. it’s an extremely loud place, but madeline was comfortable, quietly surveying the room. i think she remembered the place. i was there with liz (madeline inside), last november, to celebrate a night of feeling okay…
on my terms
after lunch with liz’s friends stopped at the dry cleaners. the lady behind the counter asked for the name. “logelin” she said, “oh! did she have the baby?” fuck. how did she remember liz?i’m the one who did most of the dry-cleaning runs. “yes, she had the baby.” (i hope she leaves it at that). she said, “how is liz doing?”…
other people’s memories
i decided to tackle a package i got from someone liz was very close to during the young part of her life in the mn. it actually arrived on saturday. i knew it was going to be a tough one so i waited.waited until i thought i could handle it. why i chose tuesday is beyond me. inside: photos from a childhood i didn’t know along with a pendant given…
pocket dialing
happy 10-week birthday. monday was the day that my perfect baby transformed into little miss fuss. she cried almost the entire day.the only thing that stopped the crying was to hold her. she’s got so much of her mom in her. liz’s parents used to tell this story about liz as a kid, sitting on a swing (more than capable of propelling…
no tears
while friend johnny utah was out for a run (obviously he is crazy), maddie and I started walking toward the playground. saw a mom, a dad.each one holding an arm counting to three swinging their daughter, daughter laughing hysterically. how does a single father bring that kind of joy? i could try it with one arm, but that would look terrible to…