we headed to the pasadena
to have 
dinner with chandra and derek,
who were in town
from the bay area.
decided on a sushi restaurant.
it’s an extremely loud place,
but madeline was comfortable,
quietly surveying the room.
i think she remembered the place.

i was there with
liz
(madeline inside),
last november,
to celebrate a night
of feeling okay enough
to leave the house.
she loved sushi, 
but ate only veggies and edamame 
’cause she was pregnant.
she was really looking
forward to
going back there someday.
instead, i sat there
with one of her best friends,
telling and listening to stories
about
liz 
chandra’s been writing
for madeline.
this will someday be the greatest
gift that madeline will receive.
after a lot of talk,
we walked back
to our car and
headed home.
during the short drive home,
i heard a song 
we always joked that
it was to be 
played at my funeral.
instead it played at
liz’s.
wildly inappropriate.
but perfect at time when
i needed a laugh the most.
i smiled again,
the song ending
as i parked in front of
liz’s 
car.
a peaceful day with lots
of good memories.
sleep is in order.