it is late and i’m still awake, a fit of creativity has settled upon my brain, and has translated into eight fingers and two thumbs, working to pound out the words i’ve struggled to find.tonight i spoke to one of my best friends in the world, and she cried for us. happy tears, knowing, evident in the smile in my photos, the words that i write…
widower
and then there’s this
Happiness has pervaded my life, before, during and after my time with liz. and since she died, it’s been my friends and family and stranger friends and music and books and travel and writing and memories and photography and baseball and cheeseburgers and beer and this blog and countless other things that have all been huge sources of happiness…
here
i’ve been here, in this place. but when? was it twenty five years ago? maybe eight? yesterday?no. it was thirteen years ago. and it was almost four years ago. i was here. she was here we. we were here. but it was different. thirteen years ago it was an awkward meal with people who didn’t know me. but she made it comfortable, even fun. ……
a voice
on my stomach, the pillow over my head, right ear pressed to the mattress. i can hear her voice resonating through the springs below,the vibration reducing the words to nothing more than a mumble. the voice, unmistakable, but she’s not in the room. …
Separate Worlds
A friend of mine told me that his 99 year old Grandfather had just died, and that his wife who is also 99 years old is still living. She wondered how long the wife was going to live now that the husband is gone. “I’m sure it’s not the same for you, but you hear all the time with the elderly how quickly other one dies after the death of their…
where’s my towel?
for the second time in less than a week there was no towel waiting for me when i got out of the shower.why? because i left the damn thing hanging on the door knob in my bedroom. first instinct, still, 13+ months after she died was to yell, “hey liz! can you please bring me a towel?” fuck. when does that go away? the fact that i left my…
new refrigerator
i bought a new refrigerator a couple of weeks ago to replace the one that had been fixed twice and was still leaking water all over my floor.a few days before it was delivered i looked at the old one and realized i needed to clean it. both the inside and the outside needed cleaning so i removed the photos, wedding invitations, recipes, and…
Mother’s Day Memories
Our guest blogger today is Jo Rozier who lost his wife Deltha to a brain aneurysm on 3/16/2006. Jo is the single father of two teens, a founding member of our Widower Match program, and as he says, “a fellow traveler” on this road called widowhood. Thanks for sharing Jo.Dear Kids,Mother’s Day, our fourth since Mommy died.So often you share your…
struggling
struggling. not sure why. somehow i got to thinking about the notes that liz used to write to me in the blank cards she used to buy.i think i have them all. or at the very least, most of them. can’t look at them yet. can barely stand to think about them. i will never see another. … she would come across them, months, years later (usually while…
hawaiian wedding part one
on april 16th, i flew to the island of oahu with madeline. we were there to celebrate the wedding of one of liz’s best friends in the whole wide world, maleeda.all of her best friends from college were there. i was honored to be invited, but i anticipated it being a tough trip. we arrived and i was instantly transported back in time. i had been…
more birthday
two saturdays ago, a whole bunch of people came together to celebrate madeline’s first birthday.her actual birthday was on march 24, but this was the first time we could get (almost) everyone together many of our family members flew in (two even drove from the mn) and a lot of madeline’s friends showed up. it was an amazing day for the…
a year
a year? yes. a year. what a difference a year doesn’t make. or does it?march 24 and march 25. one year later. but a year, a year is nothing. it’s a second. no. it’s a minute. or maybe it’s an hour. doesn’t matter. we continue doing what we need to do. every second of every day. but march 26? it’s the same as january 29 or august 5 of…