i’ve been here, in this place. but when? was it twenty five years ago? maybe eight? yesterday?no. it was thirteen years ago. and it was almost four years ago. i was here. she was here we. we were here. but it was different. thirteen years ago it was an awkward meal with people who didn’t know me. but she made it comfortable, even fun. ……
widower
here
a voice
on my stomach, the pillow over my head, right ear pressed to the mattress. i can hear her voice resonating through the springs below,the vibration reducing the words to nothing more than a mumble. the voice, unmistakable, but she’s not in the room. …
Separate Worlds
A friend of mine told me that his 99 year old Grandfather had just died, and that his wife who is also 99 years old is still living. She wondered how long the wife was going to live now that the husband is gone. “I’m sure it’s not the same for you, but you hear all the time with the elderly how quickly other one dies after the death of their…
where’s my towel?
for the second time in less than a week there was no towel waiting for me when i got out of the shower.why? because i left the damn thing hanging on the door knob in my bedroom. first instinct, still, 13+ months after she died was to yell, “hey liz! can you please bring me a towel?” fuck. when does that go away? the fact that i left my…
new refrigerator
i bought a new refrigerator a couple of weeks ago to replace the one that had been fixed twice and was still leaking water all over my floor.a few days before it was delivered i looked at the old one and realized i needed to clean it. both the inside and the outside needed cleaning so i removed the photos, wedding invitations, recipes, and…
Mother’s Day Memories
Our guest blogger today is Jo Rozier who lost his wife Deltha to a brain aneurysm on 3/16/2006. Jo is the single father of two teens, a founding member of our Widower Match program, and as he says, “a fellow traveler” on this road called widowhood. Thanks for sharing Jo.Dear Kids,Mother’s Day, our fourth since Mommy died.So often you share your…
struggling
struggling. not sure why. somehow i got to thinking about the notes that liz used to write to me in the blank cards she used to buy.i think i have them all. or at the very least, most of them. can’t look at them yet. can barely stand to think about them. i will never see another. … she would come across them, months, years later (usually while…
hawaiian wedding part one
on april 16th, i flew to the island of oahu with madeline. we were there to celebrate the wedding of one of liz’s best friends in the whole wide world, maleeda.all of her best friends from college were there. i was honored to be invited, but i anticipated it being a tough trip. we arrived and i was instantly transported back in time. i had been…
more birthday
two saturdays ago, a whole bunch of people came together to celebrate madeline’s first birthday.her actual birthday was on march 24, but this was the first time we could get (almost) everyone together many of our family members flew in (two even drove from the mn) and a lot of madeline’s friends showed up. it was an amazing day for the…
a year
a year? yes. a year. what a difference a year doesn’t make. or does it?march 24 and march 25. one year later. but a year, a year is nothing. it’s a second. no. it’s a minute. or maybe it’s an hour. doesn’t matter. we continue doing what we need to do. every second of every day. but march 26? it’s the same as january 29 or august 5 of…
passport
been sort of dreading this day. have to get madeline a passport for our upcoming trip to the banff.excited that my 3.5 month-old baby will have a passport and will be traveling outside the country. also really excited about the trip, but i’ve found that dealing with government institutions is less than thrilling since liz died. applying for a…
its complicated
spent time with a relatively new friend. a widow with far too much in common. the number 25 shows up so often for both of us that i’ve suggested we both stop using quarters.anyway, she’s in town to take her kids to disneyland and the beach, and i’ve offered up a few of my afternoons to show them around town. today, my friend asked me to…